time heals all wounds if...

Is it healed yet?
Is it healed yet?
Is it healed yet?

I've been testing the knee ever so gently, putting a bit of weight on it, taking a few crutchless steps here and there. Things are better. I've still got plenty of healing to do but there is improvement.

I'm only taking a few Alleve tablets rather than my prescription.

I am grateful for my healing.

There is much less angst surrounding my ailment.
The smaller, lighter wheelchair is no longer a two person ordeal to get in and out of the car.

I feel like I can address the other big-bad dragging on my health: adrenal fatigue.
Imagine having a hard core caffeine and stimulant addiction.
Now imagine cutting your caffeine intake by like 90%.

My go-to drug to keep me going is no longer an option.
So, I've just been living life in a state of tiredness.
It's like the feeling you have when you first wake up before you've had your cup of coffee.
That's how I feel all day.

I get through it by telling myself that this is temporary.
The healing will lead to a robust healthy vibrant body that perks up from deep breathing, movement, good food and the smell of essential oils.

I tell myself that reaching for more than my one mug allotment of caffeine will only set me back in my healing. My tired body cannot regenerate in this condition.
My tendon won't heal if I keep taxing my adrenals with unhealthy habits.

Am I doing everything perfectly?
No.
I've been smoking a few extra cigarettes (Sweet Dreams Chocolate or Djarum).
I strategically pop pieces of organic dark chocolate in my mouth when I'm jonesing for coffee.

My thoughts are not where I'd want them to be.
I worry.
I judge.
I have fake conversations in my head where I tell people off.

But I recognize that I want something better.
I want thoughts that are just as satisfying as those victim, persecuted, angry thoughts.
I just want OTHER thoughts,
different thoughts.

Keep the satisfying aspect
toss the angry, bitter, judgmental resentment.
Get rid of thinking I know better than anyone else how they should live their lives.

sigh

Always gotta work on that character.
Always striving for integrity no matter how difficult.
sigh

I know what will put me in a good mood.
Tonight, there is a new episode of Weeds.
Satisfying and not at all angry.

Good times, good times.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
click here or click below