I'm up to page 105 of my book.
I stood on one foot for 8 seconds without toppling.
We're up to episode 8 on Season 2 of Orange is the New Black.
My nephew, his wife, and three sons arrive from Vermont tomorrow.
It's birthday season.
Another day, another blessed day.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
I'm up to page 105 of my book.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Sometimes I feel like Hermie, Rudolph, and Yukon Cornelius when they went to the Island of Misfit Toys and King MoonRacer told them they couldn't live there because they weren't toys. Hermie said, "Even among misfits we're misfits!"
Yeah, like that.
So, I must be made for a different purpose. Maybe I'm supposed to be an example of some sort, maybe a leader, maybe I was designed to need more isolation than most.
Don't get me wrong. I have wonderful friends, but essentially I'm single. I come home to cats, not humans. I'm a writer, a thinker, a contemplator, and a napper. I keep an odd schedule. I like my solitude, and when I want company, I love my company.
I'm just content to work on my projects and not have someone involved in the rhythm of my day.
The social consequences of being a loner are starting to make themselves more apparent to me. I'm noticing that look on people's faces in social situations. It's becoming more clear when that look is joyful acceptance and when that look is mild disgust.
I'm learning to waste less time on the place where I don't fit in. I'm able to walk away sooner. Problem is, there are less and less places where I get the joyful acceptance face. I'm taking this to mean I need to be around certain people less and working on my projects more, also spending time with the tried and true inner circle who I'm sure love and accept me.
I get on better as a leader and teacher than as a fitter inner.
Ah, such is the moon.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Few have proved it.
I hate auditioning a new one. You trust, and trust, and trust, and still have a 50/50 shot that they'll be a loyal, sincere, long-lasting friend. Sometimes it takes years for them to show their true colors. Some colors are beautiful, some are not.
Some people's friendship is tried and true. No hardship deters them. No mistakes on your part are unforgivable. They tend to be the ones who don't give the mushy, I'll-be-there-for-you cards. They don't make grand promises. They don't have to. Their actions speak. These are the most precious gems.
Some want to believe their own stories about themselves. They like to see their promises in writing. They think their words make a thing true. Those are the ones who have burned me the worst, the promise breakers.
Sometimes the promise-makers are indeed the promise-keepers. These are rare gems. It takes years to prove their worth, but they do. Their words and actions match.
It's all so very risky, but relationships are like that. I'd rather put my heart on my sleeve and get it broken than never to know the joy of having it lovingly cared for.
With great risk comes great reward...sometimes.
Friday, July 18, 2014
The angels have spoken.
Now I'm being told I need to do less. I'm being told I'm too busy.
I have two weeks to figure out how to get more rest and find peace. I have a deadline of August 1st to stop making so many commitments. If I don't, my schedule will be whittled down by force.
This is not good news.
I have no idea what to eliminate from my schedule. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing and what I'm supposed to be giving up.
How do I do less?
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
When our identity is tied up in surviving adversity we might not know who we are in peaceful times. If being strong against a current of stress, pain, and abuse is how we've formed our sense of self, then what happens when the waters are still?
I've always coped, tolerated, overcome, or hardcore avoided the pain that I feel in life, but the pain was constant. I wonder if I can imagine loving a pain-free life.
Maybe it's perfectly 'ok' to need hurdles to jump over and obstacles to overcome. Maybe the struggle against how our egos cope with pain is a struggle that's unnecessary. Maybe one less way to be in pain is to stop struggling against one's coping habits.
I like personal development, growth, improvement, expansion of knowledge and skill. I like the sense of strength I get from overcoming adversity.
I could be like that flower that blooms in adversity. Maybe without adversity I wouldn't bloom.