had struggled with weight most of her life,
and didn't want to see her daughter suffer the same way.
Miranda hid food from Oona;
Oona was enraged that,
despite her hypervigilance,
her child was gaining weight.
I spoke bluntly to Oona:
Fill up a pillowcase with MandM's,
give it to Miranda,
and whenever it gets even a quarter empty,
fill it back up again.
Stop commenting on her body.
End the war now.
Come back to me in a month and tell me how it's going.
and gone to candy-coated heaven.
Oona just wanted to strangle me.
Oona was convinced that miracles did happen.
Miranda took the pillowcase everywhere;
she even slept with it. For the first time,
she could eat what she wanted without feeling rejected by her mother.
she stopped taking the pillowcase to school.
She ate fewer MandM's.
she hardly touched them.
By week four, she never wanted to see
another MandM again.
the war had stopped.
Miranda no longer needed to eat to pay her mother back
for her constant disapproval.
She no longer needed the comfort of MandM's
to make up for the hurt of her mother's rejection...
of depriving and restricting ourselves
if we cultivate a kind of welcoming
and openhearted friendliness
by Geneen Roth in Good Housekeeping
My mother's condemnation hurt even worse.