Diary of a Fat Girl

I think you are giving people more credit than they deserve when it comes to being educated. Anyone with any real knowledge would know and understand that with all you have going on, it has been hugely accountable to decades of poor medical treatment (and mistreatment), decades of poor nutrition, and decades of not being very good to yourself out of guilt and pressure from others and the world around you. Anyone with any knowledge would know that it took decades of this to get you this ill and weak, and it can't be fixed overnight. You are nourishing yourself now. You are seeking the right medical treatments now. You still have to wait, but at least you are moving forward. Your story isn't really so uncommon that people shouldn't understand repairing one's self takes time.

I was 143 pounds over weight. I qualified for WLS. I decided that I would do the work instead. I have since been good to myself. I know it's not going to happen over night ~ but I nourish my body, I work my body, and now I'm 90 pounds over weight. (and that is not going by the BMI, which I don't stand by) Not having WLS was an easy decision for me. I have an aunt who was stapled and within 2 years was the same weight she started off as. I have an uncle who had bypass and is now in a wheelchair with a ton of other health issues. (went from 500+ down to 230 and now back to 4??) He started out as a very large, yet strong mountain of a man. Now he can't walk from his car into a store without help. All within a 3 year time frame. And then there is my grandmother. She has had 3 WLS surgeries throughout the years and never lost any weight, ended up in a wheelchair, and died miserable. She kept buying into the whole diet/surgery hype, even after it caused her so many problems. She never had the enlightenment to just stop. Stop and listen to your body and what it needs. If what the world is telling you to do is only making you sicker ~ then they must me wrong. And when people question my philosophy that the whole world might be wrong, I remind them of all the world accepted 'facts' from the past that we now know were never facts at all. The world isn't flat, is it?

I applaud you. I know you don't see it about yourself, but it does take great strength to stop and do what is best for yourself despite what everyone else around you tells you that you 'need' to do. It takes guts and nerve to go out there and find what you need and tell the world that they might disagree, but I deserve it. And it takes courage to put it all out there the way you do.

Just keep being good to yourself. I know that gets hard at times. (I get to the point that I question 'why?', the point where I hate my body at times, the point when I feel like 'why bother'.) But you are worth doing what you know is best for you! You are worth good nutrition and you are worth correct medical care. You are also worth being given permission to feel a bit sorry for yourself at times, to be angry, to be depressed. Allow yourself to really feel that and know where it's coming from. I think that is what can help us keep fighting for ourselves and moving forward.