Keep Your Laws Out of My Belly!

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"The literature implicating raw milk

in foodborne illness exhibits
a systematic bias
against this food.
In many cases,
this bias is not intentional,
but is a product of sloppy scientific principles.
... it appears that most investigators
are thoroughly convinced
that raw milk poses a major threat
to public health,
and thus they often rush to judgment
to implicate raw milk even
when the science is not fully supportive."

- Raw Milk: What the Scientific Literature Really Says
A Response to Bill Marler, JD
Prepared by the Weston A. Price Foundation

You don't need scientific expertise to sit in your computer chair (armchair?) and raise a skeptical eye at supposedly sound science.

Even the phrase "sound science" carries an implication that any counter opinion is going to be "unsound" or based on anecdotal evidence...you know, personal experience which seems to count for NOTHING in the scientific community.

If you offer an opinion based on your own personal, concrete, bodily experience you are regarded as an exception or worse a danger to those who would be potentially harmed by following your example.

Keep that in mind as I respond to an article on the JunkFood Science blog (which will no longer appear in my sidebar blog links after today) about the "dangers" of real milk.

The title is the first red flag regarding her pre-existing bias on the subject (I'm biased but I'm not a sneak hiding behind the rhetoric of "sound science". I'm up front about my suppositions.)

"The raw milk debate — helping parents wade through the milk science"

Parents?
The implication is that her article is all for the good of the kids. Screw middle aged single childless women like me. It's all about the kiddies and therefore virtuous right off the bat.

"Parents hear sensational claims of special health benefits and potentially harmful risks about both pasteurized and unpasteurized milk."

Here comes the derogatory language.
"Sensational claims" are controversial. They get our attention. They're outside the norm. They sound miraculous. They give us hope. But science hates miracles or anything that sounds like a miracle. Science regards out of the ordinary claims as aberrant and dangerous, something to be dissected and disproved which is exactly what this article sets out to do. It screams "You want to get well outside the approval of the FDA? Shame on you! You're a rebel and a traitor!"

"Trying to decide which is the safest and healthiest choice for their children can be impossibly hard for parents, though, without knowing which claims are based on the best scientific evidence and which ones are fiction."

So we have our oppositional dualism. We know who our contenders are. In one corner we have the "best scientific evidence" and in the other corner "fiction". She doesn't even bother using phrases like "unscientific" or "based on personal experience". She's stacking the odds from the start. If we're foolish enough to believe fiction over science we may as bend down on our front lawns and talk to the dew fairies who left droplets on our grass this morning.

"A paper in the new issue of Clinical Infectious Diseases revealed some surprising information about the safety and wholesomeness of milk that may help break through the milky maze. Professors Jeffrey T. LeJeune, DVM, Ph.D., and Päivi J. Rajala-Schultz, DVM, Ph.D., at the Department of Veterinary Preventive Medicine at Ohio State University, reviewed the evidence..."

Ah, impressive experts. Can you just see them in their white lab coats holding their lapels authoritatively? The evidence was reviewed. These folks have initials after their names. They are infallible.

"...on how milk can become contaminated, how it can be make safer, and trends in milkborne diseases among people in the United States."

Trends in milkbourne diseases?
I thought we were talking about raw milk here.
If she's presenting data on milkbourne diseases in general then she needs to say so. Milk from grass fed pastured animals is vastly different from factory milk from commercial dairies. Her article is about raw milk isn't it? So why use data that does not address the entity at hand?

"Milk can become contaminated with organisms before cows or goats are milked, and during collection, processing, distribution and storage."

Yes, but contaminated with what?
If the facilities are clean and the animal is kept in clean, healthy surroundings why would we worry about contamination?
She DID get my attention by saying the milk can be contaminated before the animal is even milked. Ok. Let's read on.

"The most striking finding in their report was that we can’t trust appearances to know if milk or a dairy animal is healthy or infected."

This implies that non-commercial farmers are taking a look at their cow and thinking 'Well you're not coughing or tipping over. Your milk must be good." As an animal lover I can tell you that there is more than appearance to consider when judging wheter an animal is sick or well. You have to look at it's eating habits, behavior, listen to it's breathing, take its temperature, consider the source of its water and food and many other factors besides appearance to indicate its level of wellness. Farmers aren't stupid. They're experts in animal care having lived with these creatures all their lives. I think they'll rely on more than mere appearance to tell if their animal is healthy.

"Bacteria not only lives on the teat skin, they said, but also on the epithelial lining in the teat canal (the duct that carries the milk from the mammary gland to the teat opening). In healthy cows, Staphylococcus, Streptococcus, Bacillus, Micrococcus, Corynebacterium and even coliform bacteria colonize this area so that by the time the milk leaves the animal, it can already contain numerous bacterial contaminants."

Can does not necessarily lead to Does. These dangerous bacteria CAN colonize in the mammary gland and teat opening. But how often does that happen? What is the percentage rate of this occurance in the animals that are kept on humane, natural, non-commercial pastures?
She provides stats in her following paragraph.

"Milk samples tested at laboratories with the University of Wisconsin in Madison and Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, found mastitis infections in up to half of the samples. Staphylococcus and Streptococcus species were the most common bacteria, found in about 20% of the milk, they said."

Where were these samples from?
She says they tested milk from "dairy cows in New York and northern Pennsylvania" but she does not say which dairies. Are they commercial dairies? What did these animals eat? What were their living conditions? She's using data from commercial, non-raw milk sources to say something about raw milk. Sloppy science if you ask me.

"While only about one in ten of the Wisconsin milk samples from cows were infected, an important finding was that the infected milk from animals with subclinical mastitis infections looked no different from uninfected milk and had been added to the tank for sale."

Again, were these factory farms?
If this infected milk was added to the tank for sale, which tank?
The one on the way to be pasteurized?
I get the impression that private farms, the place where one might go to acquire real milk, were not among the samples tested. Only a commercial enterprise would be available to these scientists so we're still not talking about the product in question - raw milk.

"Herds can have their milk infected from
their natural living environment. Nature is not sterile."

If nature is not sterile and humans are part of nature then it follows that we weren't designed (we have not evolved) to REQUIRE sterilility. We're built to pick food off of trees and eat things that are dirty and natural. If food is sterilized then all the good bacteria that we need in our bodies is killed off along with all the bad bacteria. Nature is not something alien to us. We are nature.

"The scientists at the Department of Dairy Science at the University of Wisconsin reported that animals are continually exposed to pathogens that can lead to mastitis because the primary route of contamination is contact with moisture, mud and manure on the farm."

Why would an animal be continually exposed to its own manure?
On factory farms animals are penned. They stand in puddles and piles of their own urine and feces. I thought we were talking about pastured animals. Moisture and mud are places where bacteria grow. I thought humans are supposed to be able to live in environments rich in moisture and mud rather than sanitized concrete bunkers that defy the natural interrelatedness of the biosphere.

“Unlike mastitis caused by contagious pathogens, mastitis caused by environmental pathogens cannot be eradicated from a dairy herd,” they said. No matter how pristine a farm and well cared for it and the animals may be. Bacteria, we’re reminded, are all-natural."

Yes. Bacteria are all natural. Bacteria live on our skin. Bacteria dwell inside us. Bacteria are part of a natural, healthy ecology. Not all bacteria are dangerous. She's trying to indict the term "all-natural" as being inherently dirty, infectious and to be feared. Typical of science to turn us into wheezing, sneezing germophobes with weak immune systems from over-use of anti-bacterials, anti-biotics and sanitizers. Dont' take my word for it. Google that shit. We're creating super-bugs and super germs with our germophobic reliance on anti-biotics and anti-bacterials.

"With quick refrigeration and maintaining proper chilling, the bacterial proliferation can be suppressed (with the exception of Listeria species and other psychotropic organisms). But that’s not sufficient, given these natural levels of contamination, to prevent diseases in people, especially vulnerable populations."

She's jumped from all-natural, naturally occuring bacteria to "contamination". Obvious germophobia. And "vulnerable populations" are those with weak immune systems like the sick and elderly. No attention is given to HOW people's immune systems are weakened or HOW folks got sick or WHY the elderly have been conditioned over time to be intolerant of the bacteria that our bodies, in an optimum state of health, should be able to co-exist with. Our oversanitized, enzyme depleted foods may be causing the vulnerable popluations to be vulberable in the first place.

"Science has taken three tactics to minimize risks that milk is contaminated with organisms that can make people sick: animal health, improved
milk handling hygiene and pasteurization. "

Oh, thank God for good ol' science. Science's solution to animal health is antibiotics. Drugs. Those same drugs and antibiotics that wind up in the animals' milk and in our bellies. These antibiotics are not listed in the ingredients on the milk products. Vulnerable populations are ingesting drugs without knowing the dangers of prolonged exposure to anti-biotics.

"Most dairy producers take seriously the health of their animals and hygienic conditions on their farm for both the welfare of their animals and safety of their milk."

This sentence uses the term "animal welfare" to imply the animals' needs are being met in the most humane way. It would be helpful to define the term welfare. If we're talking about commercial dairies then the animals are given antibiotics, they're kept in concrete pens to keep them from interacting with all that dirty mud and moisture. They're fed processed, genetically altered alfalfa (if they're lucky, usually it's chemically treated corn and animal byproducts) or "feed" that's develped specifically to force them to produce more milk. Welfare by whose standards?

"Clearly, coming from nature, milk isn’t sterile and, as we’ve seen, significant percentages of natural samples contain bacteria that can make people sick. "

Yes, this was the same argument presented by my mother's OBGyn that kept her from breast feeding me. Didn't science change it's mind about breast milk over the course of my lifetime? Oh, and anytime someone starts a sentence with "clearly" you should raise your eyebrow incredulously. This is a word of intimidation. It implies that the evidence is sufficient to make her point clearly and any misunderstanding or disagreement is clearly our fault. She's been clear. If we disagree we must be confused.

"The marketing claims surrounding unpasteurized milk often give consumers a confusing maze of conflicting health information. "

Ah, here we go again. In one corner we have clarity. In the other we have confusion. Her science is clear. Marketing claims are confusing. Look around online. How many "marketing" claims are being made by small, private farmers regarding real milk? There is no mega-marketing machine disemminating unfounded claims about unpasteurized milk. Claims are being made by whom? Non-profit organizations. Small, family farms. Traditional food advocates. Grass roots activists.

“Raw-milk advocates suggest that unpasteurized milk products are completely safe and that they can prevent and treat a wide spectrum of diseases, including heart disease, kidney disease, cancer and lactose intolerance,” the Ohio State University professors documented."

No. That is not true. Raw milk advocates do not suggest that unpastuerized milk products are completely safe. Real milk advocates acknowledge the risks. They are informed. Nothing is completely safe. Only science makes claims about complete safety and they're usually proven wrong.

"Milk is also purported to contain substances that have bacteriostatic and antimicrobial properties and that pasteurization destroys them. “Scientific evidence to substantiate the assertions of the health benefits of unpasteurized milk is generally lacking,” the Ohio State experts said. "

Just because scientific evidence is lacking doesn't mean there is no evidence to be found. Pasteurization destroys everything that's alive in the milk. Good enzymes. Good bacteria (you do know that there are many bacteria that are good, right?)

"Pasteurization doesn’t cause appreciable losses in the levels or clinically meaningful activity of protein, vitamins, enzymes, milk sugars, immunoglobulin, and other components in milk, as they documented with clinical research. "

Oh dear God. Did they just use the phrase "clinically meaningful"?? As if the "clinic" is the only place to find reliable meaning. Clinics are funded. Who provides those funds? Big business. Entities that have lots of money to fund the clinical tests and trials. If it's clinically meaningful then we're talking about a context for meaning. Profitability. Please tell me which food or drug industry thrives on people being healthy. I'm interested in the meaningful activity of protein, vitamins, enzymes, milk sugars etc from other contexts of meaning.

“There is no credible or scientific evidence that raw milk produces any measurable health benefits,” Dr. Perry Kendall, M.D., British Columbia Provincial Health Officer, said in the Vancouver Province on December 19, 2008."

That's the same answer they're giving Jenny McCarthy who changed her kid's diet and got an immediate positive reaction from him. But that's anecdotal. Our lived experience is not considered credible or scientific and is therefore unreliable. We've been trained to believe that experts in lab coats know more than we do about our own bodies.

“Pasteurization of raw milk simply heats the milk to kill disease-causing bacteria, exactly the same process as when one cooks poultry or meat. Pasteurization of raw milk has prevented thousands of illnesses and deaths and is one of the great advances of public health of the 20th century."

Thank you Dr. Kendall. I feel so much safer now that you've used speculation and conjecture about thousands of deaths. Oh, and I like the use of the word "simply". It implies that anyone who has something negative to say about pasteurization is "simply" overreacting to the "simple" process of heating up the milk for our safety. Hey. Heat is not simple. Heat kills stuff. What if we prefer our food to contain living enzymes?

"According to Dr. Stephen Ostroff, M.D., a microbiologist and epidemiologist at the CDC before becoming the Director of the Bureau of Epidemiology of the Pennsylvania Department of Health, “some farmers are promoting raw milk in the mistaken belief that it is healthier or more nutritious.” But “the scientific evidence simply does not support this claim.”

Science has not looked for evidence that's why there is none. If all we have to rely on are our experiences that does not make us stupid or deficient. It means that science has some catching up to do. Get with it doc!

"Consumer choices and evaluations of the risks and benefits, however, don’t always follow the evidence or recommendations of experts. "

These folks are self-proclaimed experts. Within the academic and scientific community they have set their own standards of expertise and met them. They've decided for us what we should rely on as credible. Our own minds, concsiences, reactions, and state of being are not to be relied on as credible according to these experts.

“This problem is particularly complicated by the fact that individuals with established attitudes not only seek information that is supportive of their views,” professors LeJeune and Rajala-Schultz said. There is also the natural human tendency to unconsciously process information in a way that supports what we want to believe and be vulnerable to various logical fallacies, they explained."

And of course the scientific community never does that. He would have us believe that science is always objective and open. We're supposed to believe that scientific studies are never skewed, data is always reliable and statistics are facts. We're supposed to believe that science has no interest in supporting itself as the only realiable place to find meaning.

"Weighing the risks of getting sick, consumer advisories from the FDA and CDC and virtually all scientific organizations, say that unpasteurized milk, no matter how carefully it’s produced, can be unsafe and that the risks are not worth it. "

The use of the word "all" is misleading. She qualifies it with the word "virtually" so there must be exceptions. There must be at least one or two scientific organizations out there that offer a different perspective or she wouldn't have had to use the word "viturally". The fact that she only sites scientific organizations as making these claims also implies that there are other organizations out there making counter claims.
I would like to make my own decisions about what is or isn't worth it.

"Few parents would think to feed their children raw chicken, but might be tempted to believe raw milk is safer than the evidence suggests."

In other words real milk is comparatively equivalent to raw chicken?
We might have been tempted to believe that Phen-Phen was safer than than the evidence suggested since it was endorsed by the same scientific organizations we're supposed to be relying on to keep us safe from contaminants in our food. Let's ask the FDA how many tumors are permissable on chicken that's deemed safe for consumtion or how many rodent hairs or rat droppings are allowable in our foods. Google that. Find out the atrocities permitted by the FDA in the name of science and food safety. Try the film "Fast Food Nation" for starters.

"While the repetition of advisories and publication of consumer information on risks of consuming raw milk has been said to be a conspiracy against raw milk vendors, the scientific evidence demonstrates this is not the case."

No? I think it sounds like a conspiracy. Devoting time, money and energy to persecuting family farms rather than investigating the toxic effects of BGH (Bovine Growth Hormone click here) sounds like a conspiracy to me. What about the National Dairy Council? Whose interests are they shelling out money to protect; large commercial dairies or family farms?

"...raw milk has been linked to more than 90% of the cases of milk-borne illnesses, ten times the number linked to pasteurized milk."

Who is doing the linking? And what do we mean by milkbourne illnesses? If we're talking about acute symptoms then I doubt that any physician would even consider pasteurized milk as the culprit. Raw milk is counterculture. It's abberant. Of course the raw milk will get the bad rap. It's an easy way to diagnose an illness. Someone is doing something that's not sanctioned by the AMA and the FDA so it must be the cause of what ails you. When we're talking about misdiagnosed food allergies, chronic digestive disorders, poorly diagnosed neurological disorders, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and the like, the causes are not indicated and are often dismissed as either psychosomatic or of no particular cause. A person's diet, consisting of processed foods, pasteurizerd dairy, hormone injected meats and every other evil allowable by the scientifically sound FDA, is not considered when we're looking at chronic ailments.

"Sound science isn’t a conspiracy. Milk is a wholesome food packed with nutrients, but please make it pasteurized."

Please mind your own business. Here, all my readers have been linked to your carefully researched article. Consider your work done. We've been informed. Now let us make our own choices about what to put in our bodies.

"Addendum: This post, like all posts, was written after carefully reviewing all sides, including recent rebuttals by raw milk advocates, marketing claims, the original research and medical data. Raw milk claims proved frighteningly unsound, unscientific, and offering potentially dangerous medical advice for young parents, children and elderly. It is hoped that this information on the CDC and FDA data, as well as the CID report and the reviews of medical experts, will help you protect yourself and your family."

I don't believe she carefully reviewed all sides. She looked at data. I'm reminded of the orthopedist who "examined" my left knee. The pain and swelling were keeping me from walking, standing and working. I had already had an MRI revealing a torn meniscus. With no insurance surgery was out of the question. I was hoping the doctor could prescribe something to help me. He asked me questions. He looked at my chart. He barely looked me in the eye and he NEVER LOOKED AT MY KNEE. The man did not examine me. He did not ask me to bend my knee. He didn't palpate the area. He didn't even glance at my knee. He looked at the data. That was it. His advice? Take an anti-inflammatory and keep it elevated. Bye bye.

Look. I'm not telling you to run out and start consuming real milk from your local farmer. I'm not telling you to do anything. Information is out there. Arguments for and against are freely availbable to consumers. Real milk is not. It's regulated. The purchase of real milk and other family farm products is illegal in many states and in Canada.

All I'm asking is the freedom to make my own choices for my own body.
If the FDA sees fit to slap a warning label on the side of the artificial sweetener box KNOWING it has caused cancer in lab animals thereby allowing us to make our own choice whether to buy it or not, then can't we do the same for other products?

I've read the literature.
I've seen the data.
I'm informed.

Let me choose.
Don't do me any favors by trying to protect me from something that I believe is potentially life enhancing.

Today's sound science is tomorrow's recall.

The FDA is not my god.
Please don't force me to worship at your altar.

article: "The Dangers of Pasteurized, Homogenized Milk" (click here)

article: "What’s In Your Milk? An Exposé of Industry and Government Cover-Up on the DANGERS of the Genetically Engineered (rBGH) Milk You’re Drinking Introduction by Ben Cohen, Co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Foreword by Jeffrey M. Smith, author of the bestseller Seeds of Deception" (click here)

Website: http://www.realmilk.com/


And yes, I AM a food renegade!!
(click here for more info)

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*

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An introduction to the conversation between Mark McAfee (founder & owner of Organic Pastures Dairy: http://www.organicpastures.... and Dr. Dale Jacobson, DC (Jacobson Chiropractic in Nevada City, ...

An introduction to the conversation between Mark McAfee (founder & owner of Organic Pastures Dairy: http://www.organicpastures.com/) and Dr. Dale Jacobson, DC (Jacobson Chiropractic in Nevada City, California: http://jacobsonchiropractic.net/)
Great article on "Why Organic Is Not Enough"
click here or click below

need new messages

“Relentless, repetitive self talk
is what changes our self-image."
- Denis Waitley

Relentless and repetitive.
That's how we assimilate our beliefs.
Ideas are hammered into us repetitively.
The messages are relentless and they're mostly negative.

Then we wonder why a thin icing of positive thinking doesn't "work" when we try it.
How can it?
That would be like tossing a chlorine tablet into a swamp and expecting it to turn into a swimming pool.
Ain't gonna happen.

But we tend to blame the chlorine tablet for failing.
We slink off, defeated and say, "Oh I TRIED that and it didn't work."

Then we use that failure as an excuse to go back to our old, comfortable ways, confident that we gave it the good ol' college try. We're justified in our self-destructive habits of convenience even though we "tried" to change.

Our addiction to convenience is supported by the media.
We're too busy and we're told that a busy lifestyle is necessary, all-American, the way EVERYBODY is doing it and then we're sold the products that go with that busy busy busy lifestyle.
We trade convenience for quality.

The first place we cut back on quality is food.
Food needs to be quick.
Eating needs to be almost instant.
We need to be able to eat on-the-run.
It has to be cheap.
Quick and Easy.
How many times have you seen the words Quick and Easy on the cover of a women's magazine or on the front of a box, bag, package of food or in the title of a YouTube video?

Sure we're getting Quick and Easy but we're paying the price with our health.

So, what should we do?
Some of us can't afford to be less busy.
Many of us are supporting ourselves financially with our busy lifestyle.
We need to keep a roof over our heads.
We have bills to pay, mouths to feed, cars to run, households to provide for.

We need Quick and Easy but we need QUALITY too.
Where are the messages that tell us about the importance of Quality??

Relentless and repeated messages form our beliefs.
Which ones should be listen to?

We're so busy we don't even notice when we're being barked at , advertised to, hypnotized and conditioned to believe that we should live a certain way, eat a certain way, treat our bodies a certain way. We don't have time to question.

We've been taught that sickness is inevitable.
We're believing that the FDA is taking really good care of us.
We're convinced that low-fat veganism is the ideal way to eat.
Red meat is bad.
Tofu is good.
Drugs can fix everything.
Punishing exercise is the only way to lose weight.
Doctors are the only trusted authorities on our health.
Our bodies contain isolated parts that have nothing to do with each other.
Counting calories is a virtue.

We're so knee deep in our busy lives and misinformation that we surrender to how lousy we feel.
Being tired all the time is just how it is.
We're getting older, sigh.
Can't do much about it.
We're "trying" stuff and it's just not working.

That can't be right.

We have to unravel the tapestry of dis-ease in our lives.
We can't go on like this.
I can't go on like this.

I don't even have the ENERGY for my busy life.
I spent it using over the counter stimulants, low fat high carb foods, punishing exercise and years of addictive eating.

I need some new repetitive, relentless messages about what's good.

I want to hear repetitive, relentless messages about possibility, thriving, the inevitability of joy.
Energy and success are ours.
There is hope and plenty of reasons to hope.
It's ok to slow down and bake bread once in a while.
Being still is a nourishing act not a lazy one.

Good, healthy food is available, quick and easy when it's plucked off the tree, pulled out of the ground and eaten with as little processing as possible.

Vibrant health is possible at any age.

Someone PLEASE tell me these things repetitively and relentlessly.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Yes. Factory farms and batteries produce icky products that hurt the animal and hurt the consumer.
But that doesn't mean that we should turn our backs on real milk.
Healthy, pastured, grass fed animals produce a healthy product that's GOOD for us.
Hey, I was a high on my horse psuedo-vegan for years. It didn't make me healthy.
Let's listen to what this young woman has to say.
I love her t-shirt and the Indian music in the background!
click here or click below

Fear of Fats

Happy to be part of Real Food Wednesdays! (click here)

"Fat doesn't make you fat.
Protein doesn't make you fat.
Carbohydrates don't make you fat.
And even calories per se don't make you fat.
But what does make you fat
is the inability to properly metabolize,
or convert to energy,
carbs,
proteins,
fats
and calories.
If you're overweight,
you're actually starving
- starving for the right balance of nutrients
that will increase your metabolic rate
and convert to energy
the food you're eating
instead of storing it as fat."
- Dr. Mercola

"My hope is that the courts
actually look at the reality of this situation
- that he's selling milk to people
who KNOW what it is
and WANT to buy it,
and who have not experienced food poisoning
as a result.
That large processing plants,
despite their precautions,
end up sickening and,
in some cases,
poisoning us far more often (statistically)
than local farmers do.
No food is ever going to be 100% safe.
But come on - if cigarettes are legal,
why the hell not raw milk??"
- article on the Michael Schmidt trial

I look like an angry activist in these pictures, right?
That was me (with co-recipient Dorothy) accepting the Mirror, Mirror Award "in recognition of individuals in the Montclair State University community who respect, celebrate and appreciate their body, are proud of their unique assets, and refuse to accept media images of 'perfection'. Most importantly, award recipients embrace happiness and confidence from within and act as a source of inspiration to those around them."

Thank you Health Promotion and the Women's Center!!

Not for nothing but I was the fattest person in the room that day.
I've lost 150 pounds and I'm still obese.

My solution?
Eat better foods,
living foods,
fresh foods,
organic foods,
fatty foods.

Yep.
Fatty foods.

Yesterday I tried something that scared me.
My second breakfast (the first breakfast was homemade beef and spinach soup) consisted of
two organic, free-range, farm eggs (as opposed to battery, factory farm eggs)
and a slice of organic cheese.

Eating that fatty food was a leap of faith for two reasons.
First, fatty foods make me sick to my stomach.
Second, years of conditioning have taught me that fat makes you fat.

Does fat make you fat?
Well, Big Mac fat does.
Velveeta cheese will make you fat.
Commercially hydrogenated oils will make you fat.
Fried foods will make you fat.

But as I'm learning more about food I'm discovering that certain types of fat are essential for healthy weight and vitality.

Not just any old fat.
Not just any old beef, meat or milk.
The GOOD fats come from meat and milk from grass-fed animals which are the richest known source of a good fat called "conjugated linoleic acid" or CLA. When ruminants (cud chewing animals) are raised on fresh pasture, their milk and meat contain as much as five times more CLA than products from animals fed conventional diets (according to the Journal of Dairy Science, 82(10): 2146-56).

All this new information seems a bit overwhelming.
Eating healthy seems like too much work.
But when you think about it, being sick is overwhelming and complicated too.
We hand over our health to doctors who prescribe pills, surgeries and procedures.
Why are we so willing to give in to the American Medical Association's demands but not to the demands of our own bodies for good wholesome food?

I wish this were all as simple as BUY ORGANIC.
I wish I could just eat low fat foods, avoid sugar and white flour and be done with it.
But I did that already and it didn't help.

The more I read the more I learn that we can eat the best organic foods, take the finest supplements money can buy, drink plenty of pure water, get sufficient rest and exercise regularly, but if we do not meet the digestive and metabolic needs of our bodies, we’ll only be wasting our time and money.

Ugh!

So I was full of fear over yesterday's eggs and cheese.
I was afraid of the fat content leading to weight gain and heart disease because I've assimilated the diet mentality.
I was afraid I'd be sick to my stomach. Since my gastric bypass surgery I've felt nauseated when eating any kind of rich food.

After I ate the eggs and cheese,
I did not get sick.
I did not feel queasy.
My belly was nice and full.
Four hours passed before I was hungry again.

Would I have felt as good if I had eaten scrambled eggs from McDonalds'??

I wonder.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Why not just take supplements?
Because the process of putting the nutrient into pill form reduces it's potency AND makes it harder for our bodies to assimilate them.
Our bodies absorb nutrients from food more easily than chemically processed supplements.
Anyway....here's Healthy Urban Kitchen's guide to supermarket shopping.
Easy Breezy.
click here or click below

Food is Medicine

"Part of the strategy of being well-nourished
in the second half of life
must include
understanding the limits
of one's digestive capacities
and maximizing their function
through wise food choices
and eating habits"
- Katherin Czapp in
Conserving the Digestive Fire:
What to Do When Traditional Foods Cause Digestive Problems

"Digestion is one of the most
delicately balanced
of all human
and perhaps angelic
functions."
-Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826)

My paternal great-grandmother lived to be a robust 96 years old. I don't think she'd ever been to a supermarket.

The question, "What's for dinner?" was answered in her own backyard.
They kept chickens.
They grew vegetables (I'd say they had an organic garden but that was the only option!
Of course it was organic!)
Milk was raw (unpasteurized) because they'd get it from a neighbor who had a cow.
She "put up" jars of fermented vegetables for winter.
She made her own pasta and bread with her bare hands.

My grandfather hunted so they ate local game.
No part of the animal went to waste.
She boiled the heads, feet and bones to make gelatinous soup stock.

I don't think she ever went to the doctor.
She was never sick.

She died quietly in her sleep at 96 after living a long hardy life, most of it in the southern Italian countryside and the remainder in Montclair, NJ where I knew her for only a few years.

My father's generation called her a "tough old bird".

She ate well.
She fed her family well.

She spent most of her life in the kitchen or at the kitchen table.

Where does that leave me??
I have to work to support myself.
I have my writing, my extra-curricular activities, a household to manage.
How am I supposed to stay healthy when my body desperately needs traditional home-cooked organic food?

It's 7pm.
I have dinner to prepare for myself and my friends who are coming over for LOST tonight.
It's evening and I'm just now blogging!

But my busy life is worthless if I'm too sick to live it.
There has got to be a way to do this healthy eating thing AND live my busy life.

I'll find a way.
Good thing I have Carmella Toglia's hardy genes.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
"Natural organic raw milk has in it vitally important living things. These include the following: beneficial bacteria, enzymes (including lipase, protease. and other), lactase forming bacteria, and many enzyme based pathogen killing systems. The common practice of pasteurization inactivates or dramatically reduces the effects of these important active (living) elements."
Thanks Mark McAfee for promoting one of nature's best foods.
click here or click below

Do what thou wilt...

"I accept my body as it is,
and I’m proud of my body.
I can love myself no matter what my weight/size.
Bodies are meant to function,
and my body is very functional.
I’m going to start being happy with my body today.
I trust my body to make appropriate food choices
and to know when it’s satisfied with food.
My goal is to be COMFORTABLE in my body.
(It’s not realistic to constantly try
to control my body-biology and make near impossible goals)
By focusing exclusively on controlling my body,
I’m missing a chance to deal with
other areas of my life that need attention.
I CAN teach my body to say yes
and no to food at whatever times
and in whatever amount I deem appropriate."

- from Rules of "Normal" Eating


"We know well only
what we are deprived of."

- Francois Mauriac

Today is my second day on decaffeinated green tea in stead of coffee.
I'm not intending to get up on a soap box about it (yet....I reserve the right to hop on the box).

Two of you commented that you had no intentions of giving up coffee.
Hey.
Good for you!!
If you like the way you feel,
if it works for you,
then continue!

I'm the LAST person in the world who would reach under your nose and take something away from you. Too many folks have done that to me in my life. All it did was make me consume in secret and make me furious.

I'm not giving up coffee so I can be a sanctimonious prig about it.
I'm giving up coffee because I feel like crap.
Being tired all the time stinks!
I suspect I can feel better if I make changes.

Look at the recent pictures of me.
My skin is dull.
My eyes look tired.
My hair is thinning on top.
I look older than I usually do.

Fighting fatigue all the time and looking like crap are big red flashing warning signs to me that something is wrong.
Something is amiss.
Time for some radical change.

Going off gluten and dairy did not produce immediate, significant change.
As a matter of fact my psoriasis is WORSE since I gave up gluten and dairy.

So I'm taking another step.
No more coffee or artificial sweeteners.
Artificial sweeteners are evil.
I've always believed that (no matter what Snopes has to say about it).
If there's a warning on the package, chances are that overconsumption of it will hurt you.

Coffee is a different story.
Hey, I love the smell and taste of coffee, but I love feeling good even more.
If giving up coffee makes me feel better, I'll stay off coffee.
If I don't see any significant improvement in my energy level then I'll probably start drinking it again.
But for now, I want to experiment.

Some folks (who have high levels of energy, glowing eyes and skin and seem to know something that I don't) say that caffeine is bad.
Coffee Addiction.net says "Irritability, gloom and constant fatigue along with sensation of discomfort are the primary symptoms of coffee addiction. "

I'm experiencing irritability, gloom and constant fatigue (also symptoms of food allergies).

Coffee kills off the healthy flora in the gut and is no help for folks with digestive disorders or irritable bowel (click here). Maybe that's one of my problems.

SOMETHING inside me is not working and I'm determined to find it, fix it and talk about it.

Another reader had a concern about radical dietary changes and the time and money it takes to live certain dietary lifestyles.
My advice is to pick up a copy of Food by Susan Powter.
She'll tell you how to eat healthy on a tight budget and busy schedule.
She's brilliant and offers a practical approach.

I need to take Susan's approach a step further.
If becoming a radical eater is going to help me then I have to do it.

As far as letting someone else tell me what to do?
I've never been a good devotee.
I question too much.
I hold people to very high standards.
If someone talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk? They're out.
If someone talks to me the wrong way? Ba-bye.

When I look at a plan or system or diet or website it has to make sense to me.
It has to resonate with me.
Whether it's on a YouTube video or a comic strip I recognize "truth" when I see it.

Yes, truth is subjective.
Of course it is.
So I mean "truth" as in what will help me, what resonates with me at the time, what seems like it might work.

Then it has to prove to me that it's the truth.

If banging on my poor sore joints at the gym for an hour a day isn't working then I'm going to stop (and I did).
If drinking protein shakes makes me sick then I'm not going to drink them.
If calorie counting makes me feel pressured then it's over.

The Daily Plate was great for 2 months.
I learned from it and now I'm done.

Deep down I've always believed there is a way to be healthy and permit one's body to find its own healthiest weight WITHOUT DIETING.

I was reading a discussion forum yesterday (God awful exclamation point people who say Hooray for maintaining a starvation disorder in the name of getting "well").
Yes, they are post-op Weight Loss Surgery folks (I took them off my blog links. Email me privately if you're dying to know who).

One woman actually wrote that she's SCARED of eating more than 1200 calories per day.

No effing way.
1200 calories a day?
Please show me the person who can function in the long term on those few calories without some sort of backlash either by lowering their metabolism, regaining their weight, and/or developing an eating disordered mentality while they obsess over calories.

My Daily Plate food diary showed that I eat around 2200 calories per day.
That is SO normal, yes?
Healthy for a working 44 year old woman.

And perfect for me.

And I'm convinced that I will drop the next 100 or so pounds by consuming 2200 calories per day.
Oh yes.

Then comes the told you so dance.

I will not starve.
I will eat.

I will not count calories.
I will focus on nutrition.

I will feel better.

Today I'll be receiving the Mirror, Mirror Award at Montclair State University for helping to create and exemplify a positive body image on campus and in life.
If you're around
it will be from 4:00pm - 6:00pm
in The Student Center
Ballroom B.

I'll try not to pull a Sally Field ;-)

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
I was on the treadmill for 40 minutes a day and NOT BURING FAT!
Thank God I'm not the only one.
"We're all biologically unique."
Yep.
I am agree.
I wonder what this guy's diet is like.
Oprah's been talking about hormonal imbalance lately.
I bet hormonal balance has everything to do with food!
Thanks Dr. B.J. Hardick for piquing my interest!
click here or click below

more meat, no coffee

Dietary Guidelines

1. Eat whole, natural foods.
2. Eat only foods that will spoil, but eat them before they do.
3. Eat naturally-raised meat including fish, seafood, poultry, beef, lamb, game, organ meats and eggs.
4. Eat whole, naturally-produced milk products from pasture-fed cows, preferably raw and/or fermented, such as whole yogurt, cultured butter, whole cheeses and fresh and sour cream.
5. Use only traditional fats and oils including butter and other animal fats, extra virgin olive oil, expeller expressed sesame and flax oil and the tropical oils—coconut and palm.
6. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables, preferably organic, in salads and soups, or lightly steamed.
7. Use whole grains and nuts that have been prepared by soaking, sprouting or sour leavening to neutralize phytic acid and other anti-nutrients.
8. Include enzyme-enhanced lacto-fermented vegetables, fruits, beverages and condiments in your diet on a regular basis.
9. Prepare homemade meat stocks from the bones of chicken, beef, lamb or fish and use liberally in soups and sauces.
10. Use herb teas and coffee substitutes in moderation.
11. Use filtered water for cooking and drinking.
12. Use unrefined Celtic seasalt and a variety of herbs and spices for food interest and appetite stimulation.
13. Make your own salad dressing using raw vinegar, extra virgin olive oil and expeller expressed flax oil.
14. Use natural sweeteners in moderation, such as raw honey, maple syrup, dehydrated cane sugar juice and stevia powder.
15. Use only unpasteurized wine or beer in strict moderation with meals.
16. Cook only in stainless steel, cast iron, glass or good quality enamel.
17. Use only natural supplements.
18. Get plenty of sleep, exercise and natural light.
19. Think positive thoughts and minimize stress.
20. Practice forgiveness.


Dietary Dangers

1. Don't eat commercially processed foods such as cookies, cakes, crackers, TV dinners, soft drinks, packaged sauce mixes, etc.
2. Avoid all refined sweeteners such as sugar, dextrose, glucose and high fructose corn syrup.
3. Avoid white flour, white flour products and white rice.
4. Avoid all hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated fats and oils.
5. Avoid all vegetable oils made from soy, corn, safflower, canola or cottonseed.
6. Do not use polyunsaturated oils for cooking, sauteing or baking.
7. Avoid fried foods.
8. Do not practice strict vegetarianism (veganism); animal products provide vital nutrients not found in plant foods.
9. Avoid products containing protein powders.
10. Avoid pasteurized milk; do not consume lowfat milk, skim milk, powdered milk or imitation milk products.
11. Avoid battery-produced eggs and factory-farmed meats.
12. Avoid highly processed luncheon meats and sausage containing MSG and other additives.
13. Avoid rancid and improperly prepared seeds, nuts and grains found in granolas, quick rise breads and extruded breakfast cereals, as they block mineral absorption and cause intestinal distress.
14. Avoid canned, sprayed, waxed, bioengineered or irradiated fruits and vegetables.
15. Avoid artificial food additives, especially MSG, hydrolyzed vegetable protein and aspartame, which are neurotoxins. Most soups, sauce and broth mixes and commercial condiments contain MSG, even if not so labeled.
16. Avoid caffeine-containing beverages such as coffee, tea and soft drinks. Avoid chocolate.
17. Avoid aluminum-containing foods such as commercial salt, baking powder and antacids. Do not use aluminum cookware or aluminum-containing deodorants.
18. Do not drink fluoridated water.
19. Avoid synthetic vitamins and foods containing them.
20. Do not drink distilled liquors.
21. Do not use a microwave oven.

- Weston A. Price Foundation

This will be inconvenient but it will be worth it.
It's more inconvenient to be sick and tired all the time.

It will be hard to make serious dietary changes but it's so much harder to live in a state of constant fatigue, depression, fogginess, and agitation.

No coffee for me this morning. This is my second morning without it.
I'm ready to go back to sleep.
Really.
I could sleep another 2 hours, easily.

This is no way to live.
Being tired all the time is like being locked inside on a sunny day.
I'm peeping through the blinds at the world outside wishing I could participate.
It's time to let myself out.

But a wide open door means nothing if I'm too weak to walk through it.
God, I am so tempted to make a nice hot, aromatic pot of coffee right now.

I've always known I would become an extreme "health food" eater in my later years.
Once you read about the dangers of commercial foods and the benefits of organics you never forget it. When I see healthy, energetic, slim, focused, motivated people and discover what they're eating, it's always extreme, not mainstream, and rich in nutrients.

They never seem to say that their energy comes from switching to salads at the McDonald's drive through. They never talk about eating Smart Ones or Lean Cuisine from the frozen food section of the supermarket. You won't hear them lauding the switch from butter to margarine. They'll never tell you how great white bread is for you.

"6-11 servings of grains per day,
recommended by the FDA,
makes me lethargic,
bloated, depressed,
and constantly hungry
& craving more food.
It doesn't matter if I eat
organic stone-ground whole wheat bread
or a white bagel -
the effect is the same.
Since adopting a high-protein diet,
juicing daily,
and eating plenty of raw fruits
& vegetables to prevent over-acidity,
I've been able to balance my cravings,
appetite,
mood, & weight,
as well as eliminate digestive problems
and acid reflux."
- Rebecca

Super healthy energetic people with bright eyes and glowing skin always talk about
fresh fruits
fresh vegetables
whole grains
organics
fish
vitamins
and minerals
clean water
and then whatever particular diet they've adopted be it raw foods, high protein, veganism, or Slow Foods.

And of course, some form of exercise (that they seem to love doing!).

They don't drink lots of coffee.
They don't buy pre-packaged diet foods.
They're not drinking diet sodas.
They're not counting calories.

You'll usually see them in the kitchen preparing an easy, healthy, fresh meal.

I want that energy.
I want that focus.

I want 8 hours of sleep to be enough!

What do I have to do to be well??

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
That Weston A. Price was a smart guy.
Look at folks who exhibit exceptional health and find out what they're doing!
Abundant energy and NO disease?
I'm in.
click here or click below

Starving, cranky and full of allergies?

"...eating better food,
eating more often
and losing weight
and getting healthy...
NOT counting calories,
weighing one's self everyday
or measuring grams
or calories
or other obsessive compulsive behaviors
that are popular...."
- The Healthy Urban Kitchen

I'm learning that not all protein is created equal.
All fats are different too.

A while back I went on an anti-fat rant (click here).

What I failed to consider was the difference between a Big Mac and a free-range, organic, grass-fed beef burger. I was lumping the fatty, greasy death burgers sold at fast food drive-thrus into the same category with magnificent, enzyme rich, radiantly healthy protein from grass-fed beef.

I'm learning.

A while back I tried to get off of artificial sweetener (click here).
I failed.

I've been drinking coffees with packets of pink stuff ever day.
I've been drinking diet sodas and pitchers of Crystal Light-type stuff.

"If you are addicted to coffee
(as most New Yorkers are)
and you think you can improve your health
and lose weight
- you are delusional
and need to grow up.
Switch from coffee to green tea
if you want results.
Becoming free from addictions
is not easy
and requires a strong vision
for your health / life,
commitment to making your vision a reality..."
- Antonio Valladares

I know.
I know.
I know.
I've always known, but when you're addicted to caffeine and artificial sweeteners you don't want to hear how bad they are for you.

The truth about bad habits can be so irritating.

I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE!
SHUT UP!
That's how I feel reading about how bad caffeine is for me.
It's because I know it's true.

I AM serious about getting well.
So again, I make the commitment to get off and stay off coffee, artificial sweeteners and diet soda.

You see, I'm stubborn.
I'm convinced that what I put into my body has everything to do with how I feel.
In my heart of hearts I know that my diet can make me well.

What we eat we become, physically.
Our bodies use food to make themselves.
That's what we're built from.
Food, air and water.

I'm solving this once and for all. I've been sick and tired for too long.
Too many other folks have suffered for too long also.
There has got to be a better way to eat and live.
I know it.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Antonio says that we should not lose weight to be healthy.
We need to be healthy and we'll naturally lose weight.
Yep.
I am agree.
click here or click below

saggy but happy

"What I know for sure now
is that for me
weight is a spiritual issue,
not a food issue...
The connection is loving,
honoring
and protecting
everything
about
yourself."
- Oprah in March '09 Oprah Magazine

Well it's official.
I look like a person who's lost 150 pounds.
No, no, no, I don't mean that I look "thin".
I mean I look like I've been spending time down in Buffalo Bill's basement where he'd starve his victims for a few days to loosen up their skin before he peeled it off them to make his woman's suit (In the film version of 'Silence of the Lambs' they called it a woman-suit. In the novel it was called "a vest with tits"....much creepier.)

The skin on my face and neck are sagging.
I'm looking my age or older.

This is the part of the story where I look saggy.
That's that.

I ask myself if I'd rather have the 150 pounds back.
No. Of course not.

Better to be an old saggy baggy than a sedentary depressio who can't even cook or shop for herself.

My food addiction is slowly fading into nothingness.
The impulse to binge eat used to rev like a noisy Nascar race engine.
Now it's a tiny little hum like the mini fan on a Glad Plug-in.

Yesterday was the last day for me logging food on The Daily Plate.
Food logging taught me some things.
It taught me that almonds and tofu, though sources of protein, contain many carbs.
It helped me to notice where I could cut back on starchy snacks and eat more fruits and veggies.
I've learned that naturally lean grass fed organic beef fills me up so that I don't crave more and more food.

My calorie intake averages around 2000 calories a day.
Plenty of days I come in at 1800.
Most days I take in around 2200.
The highest I went was an uncharacteristic 3800 calories in one day (lots of company, recreational eating, carbs and desserts that day, plus I was PMS.) But that was an anomaly.
99 percent of the time my calories per day are under 2400.

Before my surgery I would eat around 5000 to 15,000 calories per day.
Back then most of my calories came from fats and refined carbs.

By using the food log I've taught myself how to get more of my calories from protein.
Of course I'm gradually losing weight.

Instead of beating myself up at the gym for an hour a day I'm learning to be active throughout the day. Day by day I'm building the strength and endurance to live an active life.

What about my 5 minutes a day in 2009 commitments?

Well, I kept the food journal for 2 months. Pretty darn good.

Intentional movement? I'm walking more and trying to take longer strides.

Big job cleaning? Making progress. Even my front yard garden is decorated for St Patrick's Day. I'm getting stuff done.

Book writing? Need to get moving on the book proposal for that publisher. (No, I can't tell you which just yet :-).

Prepare for class. BRAVA!! I am the sh*t! Lecture notes get written up ahead of time, multi media presentations are planned before hand, I'm taking attendance and every thing is organized in a nice 3 ring binder!

Promote Blog. I could work harder on that but I have gained some readers since last month.

Read. Yep. Every day.

Paperwork. Room for improvement but I'm doing some.

Correspond. Pretty good about answering my emails as I get them.

Creative Visualization. Getting more intentional about that.

Today,
I scrubbed the cooked on gunk from off my stove top.
The living room is clean from my Scrabble company last night.
Mikey's coming over tonight for some fabulous grass-fed beef burgers.
I'm about to cook our fabulous meal.

Life is good.
Better than it was.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
WHY grass fed?
Grass fed all their lives (before they're humanely slaughtered so we can eat them),
produces fat that's GOOD for us rather than fat that's BAD for us.
Don't listen to me.
Listen to this guy.
He's an expert.
click here click below


Fat from Grass Fed Cows is VASTLY different and HEALTHIER from corn fed cows.

Grass fed beef has less total fat than regular beef.

Grass fed beef contains up to 500% more CLA (conjugated linoleic acid) than corn fed cows.

CLA burns fat!

CLA is a Healthy Fat that reduces risk of:
-Cancer
-Obesity
-Diabetes
-Immune disorders

Grass fed beef is nutritionally superior to corn fed beef, it has more:
-Omega Fats
-Vitamins A & E
-Better Omega 6:3 Ratios

Grass Fed Beef has NO:
-Mad cow or e. coli
-Antibiotics
-Growth hormones

Grass Fed Farming is:
-environmentally superior
-supports local economies
-reduces unnecessary waste of natural resources
-reduces carbon footprint

Grass fed beef is a real Superfood.

For more info, go to http://www.healthyurbankitchen.com

forward at 44

"A crisis is a time of change,
anxiety and possibility.
Something new happens,
and we summon resources
from the past,
as well as discover new strengths,
to deal with the implications
of our changed situation."

- Penelope Washbourn

I'm learning to be comfortable with my approaching cronehood.
It's ok to get older.
I say that mostly because it's unavoidable.
Surrendering to the inevitable does not take great courage.
Practicality calls for a conservation of resources.
It would take too much energy to fight or deny the passage of time,
the pull of gravity,
the starkness of finitude.
I don't feel like fighting a losing battle.

Better to just accept it and get on with the business of living in the present or as the New Agies like to say, "in the now".

Sometimes our "now" is too difficult to face.
It's not always an existential crisis that poses the difficulty.
A few years ago it was my own body.
Physically it was too painful so I got into the habit of distracting myself from the agony of walking, standing, bathing, housecleaning, cooking and shopping for myself.
With every stab of pain in my back, knees, ankles, lungs or chest I felt the shame of having done something horrible to myself.

The blame and shame continues to haunt me.
Every time I look in the mirror or wash myself in the shower I feel the regret of wasting so many years as a depressed binge eater.
My actions shaped this body.
My old, sick habits are still evident.
I'm still cleaning up after myself, fixing what I broke, feeding what I starved, healing what got sick, learning to love what I despised.

I wish I had enjoyed my 20's and 30's more.
I hope I can help others to learn their big lessons earlier in life than I did.
It would be wonderful to have more time to enjoy life.

I'm 44 and I feel like I'm just getting my act together.
But I can look at it as a long term project, I guess.
It's taken me 44 years to get my act somewhat together.
I've been working at it all along.

I was 17 years old when I realized I had a "compulsion" (we didn't call it an eating disorder back in 1981). That's when I started to look for answers, help, relief, anything that might help me get well.

It would have been nice to learn my lessons earlier in life.
That's not how it happened.
Oh well.

We can only move forward, right?

Someday I'll be 66 (God willing).
I'll be able to look back at 44 and say to myself, "Good thing I figured out some stuff at 44."

It sure beats regret.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
"Youth is attitude."
So true.
click here or click below

will it

"...despair...is most likely associated
with plummeting levels of dopamine.
As you focus your attention
and do novel things,
you elevate this feel-good substance,
boosting energy
and
hope."

- Helen Fisher in "Why We Love"

Do novel things, new things, uncomfortable things.
Force your brain pathways to adapt to positive things.
We are many things. One of the things we are is a stimulus response machine.
Use that knowledge to your advantage.

Train your brain.

Tell yourself what you WANT to be true.
Do you want a NEW job or just to love the one you've got?
New relationship or just a renewal of the one you have?
Money or the freedom that money can buy?

Tell yourself what you want then take a small, doable step toward making it happen.
Take a step that you believe in.

If you BELIEVE something will work you're halfway to making it work.
Actions follows belief.
Intention is creative.


I know how difficult it is to get out of the doldrums.
Do you know what Doldrums are??

A part of the ocean near the equator, abounding in calms, squalls, and light, baffling winds, which sometimes prevent all progress for weeks...

Prevents all progress for weeks.
Yep.
I've been there.

The stagnation can be stubborn.
Sometimes one must use several forms of attack from several directions to get some kind of progress to happen.

But what if you don't have the energy to do that??

I've been there too.
Energyless.

There have been times (like recently) I've been too weak and depleted to even muster the DESIRE to get some kind of progress going. I sat here and contemplated whom I would trust to take care of my cats (and who on earth would have room for them) in the event of my death.

I had to talk myself into keeping myself alive.
I had to convince myself that I'd done enough hard work in this lifetime to make it worthwhile to stick around and see how it all turns out.

I imagined a time I might me happy again.
Imagined that I could feel good about life.
Imagining the possibility of it, even if I could not picture it, helped to make me crawl tentatively up out of the doldrum pit (like a snake pit but the snakes are too lethargic to bite you or even hiss much).

Comedy and coffee,
nice self-talk and naps,
dietary change and determination,
keeping up with commitments and feeding myself like I matter,
have all helped me.

Things will get better because I really, really, really want to love my life.
I've told myself how much I love what I'm doing now even if I imagine doing something different in the future.

It's helps.

If we want to believe it, we will, and then we will it.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
I wish I were this wise when I was 17!!
This kid knows.
click here or click below

Goodbye Kate

R.I.P

Little Kate Sargese.
Died Feb 16, 2009
of
Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP)

I couldn't even cry when I heard that little Kate died.
Maybe I was too disappointed to cry.
Kate (and her little brother, Sawyer who is just fine) were so uplifting to my parents.
The little prancing furry balls of life tumbling around the house made them lighthearted.
My mother who had recently lost her beloved Manchuria had a new little girl kitten to take her place.

Today when I went to see my parents my mother kept saying, "I lost my little girl."
Then little Sawyer climbed on top of her demanding love and a bite of her egg salad sandwich. Sawyer's kitten antics helped to distract her but I knew my mother was mourning the loss of the little female cat who depended on her.

Slowly she's losing me too.
I've cut my mother time down to one day per week because of my demanding work schedule this semester.
She keeps telling me how the week drags waiting for Saturday to come.
Then when I'm with her on Saturdays she comes up with extra errands for us to run in order to extend our time together.

As annoying as my mother is I wish I could spend more time with her.
I resent having to jam pack my time with so much work.
It would be better if I could work with intense quality for short bursts of time and ride on the residual income for the rest of the time.

I'm putting that out to the universe.

I don't even have to think of the 'how'.
The intention is more powerful than the plan.

Plans are good but they tend to get thwarted.
Will tends to have the final say.

In case you were wondering I did try to listen in my head for things I have to say about other people as they walk past me on campus or at the store.

I used the "C" word (silently in my head of course) about a woman who c*ck-blocked me as I was reaching for a can of cashews. I didn't think the harsh thought at the moment that she got in my way. I thought it when I was waiting on line at the check out.

The line was long so another cashier opened up one lane over. "C-word cashew blocker" was at the end of my line. When the new lane opened and the cashier called out 'I can take someone over here' she obstacle coursed her way around the tother women who couldn't move their shopping carts fast enough while saying over her shoulder, "I just have one thing so..."

That's when I called her a "Selfish C-word" silently, to myself, in my head.

I won't even tell you the horrid things I think about other drivers on the road.

Walking on campus is a different story.
Once I step onto the sacred ground of the school (be it Bergen or Montclair) I immediately slip into mothering mode. I become the great magnanimous benefactor all of a sudden, but I do focus on people's looks.
I tend to comment on how cute someone looks or how adorable their outfit is.
Their hair is so shiny or God bless this one or that one with their cute little figure.

Sometimes I'll diagnose their food allergies with thoughts like,
Ugh, he needs to get the yeast out of his system
or
should she really be drinking that sugary soda with skin like hers?

Judge
judge
judge
judge
judge.

Part of being human,
maybe?

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
On my LOST wall calendar this month's picture is Kate Austen, little Kate's namesake.
"Impermanence is chosen as a worthy object of meditation in Buddhism because, although we may understand it intellectually, we mostly do not behave as though we have intergrated this awareness. A combination of analysis and concentration on this topic brings the insight to life so that we appreaciate the preciousness of every moment of our experience." - The Dalai Lama
click here or click below

judging

“Some people think
I am my body
and treat me with prejudice or pity...
It took years,
but I have learned
to ignore the stares
and just smile back.”
- Lisa Sandrin in "I Am Not My Body"

"...I feel that step one
is still self-acceptance,
and we should all reject false ideals
of beauty and 'acceptability.'
And I get really pissed off
about bullshit movies like
Good Luck Chuck that tell us fat women
are undesirable,
pitiable,
and disgusting."
- MoPie on Big Fat Deal

I'm working on that self-acceptance stuff.
I'm seeing my age as less of an enemy and more of an ally.

Being 44 buys me something.
It gets me the permission to be fat and middle aged.

I don't feel the same pressure from a society that expects me to be thin and have a porn star body in order to attract a "mate".

Being 44 puts me in a different category.
People seeking my company are not expecting me to look (or act) like a stripper.

I'm expected to be smart, wise, or inspiring.
People come to me for advice and wisdom.
They seek love and acceptance from me.

I feel that my age gives me "permission" to look like and act like a Buddha.

You won't see The Dalai Lama on The Fashion Police.
Could you imagine?

Oh no not that same color on him again!
That's just so matronly on him.
He's showing his arms
and that's not age appropriate.
Sheesh, look at those wrinkles!
He needs some work!

That would be ridiculous, right?

Or could you imagine in a million years saying something critical of the great Maya Angelou?
(She's coming to speak at Bergen Community College this April. I'll be bringing my class!)

We have different expectations of these folks.

But I'm left with deep concern for the young ones.
There is enormous pressure, especially on females, to look a certain way in order to feel socially acceptable.

What happens to the ones who don't conform?

It hurts to go out into the world believing that some folks might be thinking, "Ugh, you fat ugly slob. Just kill yourself already!"

Don't believe me when I say that some folks think that way?
Go to YouTube and check out the comments on any video with "Feminist" in the title. Or check out some of the comments on Vlogs by women of size.

My videos get some nasty comments.
One young man told me I should do society a favor by killing myself so as not to pollute the gene pool.

Really.
Sure I can reason away his comment and 'take it from the source' but it still hurt. It hurt because I imagined other folks thinking similar thoughts.

I kinda know that most folks walk around thinking of themselves and don't really even notice other people.
They're neutral.
They don't think harsh thoughts until you do something to catch their attention.
Once you've put yourself in the spotlight of their consciousness then you risk being judged.
People can be harsh.

It's probably just human nature.

It's like Brian Griffin from Family Guy.

Hey Lois! Lois!
There's another dog in that car!
[starts jumping around the car
and clawing at the window,
focused on the dog]
Hey, hey! Hey! Hey!
There's another dog in that car!
Hey! Are you seeing that?!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Other dog! F*ck you!
[they drive away]

Sometimes we see other people as a threat.
Our initial reaction is to shut someone down if they step too far out of the imaginary lines of what we find acceptable.
Since we can't yell, "Hey! Other dog. F*ck you!" in polite society we do it anonymously on people's blogs or on discussion forums or on YouTube.

Well, I don't.
You probably don't either, but you know what I'm talking about.
None of you reading this is thinking, "Folks say harsh things to each other on the internet? I had no idea!!"

I imagine we have harsh judgment and neutral dismissiveness happening every time we step out our front door.

Do we ever have unconditional love and acceptance from others? strangers?

Can we ever imagine that other folks are thinking, "Wow! S/he's cool."
or is the only positive reaction we can imagine getting from folks in the form of sexual approval, "Wow! S/he's hot!"

I'll do that experiment on myself today.
When I'm out in the world I'm going to notice if I think loving, approving, uplifting thoughts about others.
I'm going to notice when that little voice in my head thinks something positive, or anything at all.

I'll let you know how it goes.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
I typed "judging others" into the YouTube search and a bunch of stuff came up.
This is the one I chose because I like her analogy.
Our predisposition is a lot like her mom's sunglasses.
What we look through makes stuff appear to be a certain way.
Thanks to Renee Swope for making this great D6 video!
click here or click below

I thought you couldn't digest fats??

"Animal Welfare Approved farms
allow animals to behave naturally
and socialize freely.
On these farms,
you'll see animals breathing fresh,
clean air,
the way you've always thought
it should be...

The standards were developed
in consultation with
veterinarians, farmers and scientific experts
in animal health and behavior.
Rooted in the Animal Welfare Institute's
57-year track record of reducing the pain
and fear inflicted on animals,
these standards give careful thought
to the needs of animals."
- American Grass Fed Beef

It's official. I'm an omnivore.

Ever since my early 20's I've been struggling to be a vegan.
I was convinced that meat was "bad" for me.
When I joined PETA (back in the 80's right after I quit working for Fred the Furrier) I learned about the factory farms that mistreat animals and the great evil they do to the world - cruelty to animals, pollution, hormones and antibiotics in the meat, over grazing, etc.
I didn't want to be part of it.

Having recently given up on dairy products I might have finally realized my vegan vision,
but instead I started eating red meat again.

Not hamburger meat.
Not cheap ass low grade Taco Bell meat.
I mean organic, grass fed beef,
nice bloody, rare, tender sirloin.

There's no point in giving up gluten and wheat if I'm ingesting them in the form of grain-fed meat.
So organic, grass fed it is!

Though the cuts of beef are lean, I am aware of the fat content and I'm wondering why I can so easily digest those bloody rare high fat steaks.

Since the gastric bypass (August 2006) I can't even put oil on my salad.
Fried foods? Forget 'em.
Cheese? Can't do it.
Bacon? Not a chance.
Butter? No way.

They make me feel so nauseated I have to lie down till the food passes through my small stomach to my intestines.

Last summer I tried to eat a nice hamburger from Ruby Tuesday's.
No cheese, no mayo.
Just a nice well done burger.
I was sick to my stomach for 3 hours.
Never again! I thought.
Meat was just not for me.

Over the past few weeks I've been desperate to overcome my chronic sluggishness.
Giving up wheat, gluten and dairy seemed to be worth a try.
Other folks reported an increase in energy and decrease in depression from giving up those foods.

At the same time I began craving a nice red rare steak.
Two weeks ago I started introducing red meat back into my diet.
It's been a delicious experiment and surprising.

Red meat is fatty.
Why am I able to digest it so easily??

Red meat is higher in calories than tofu, chicken and turkey.
Beef is a pretty high calorie high fat source of protein.
Yet I feel like I'm losing weight.
I feel more sturdy.
I'm less hungry for other foods.

The scientific answer for why I feel better would have to indicate other positive changes besides eating red meat. But my armchair analysis is that I'm giving my body something it wants.

Just like I did three months after my bypass. Everything made me feel nauseated. Then out of the blue I craved raw yellow peppers. I ate orange and yellow peppers to my heart's content. No nausea.

Was my body craving beta carotene?
Is that why I craved those yummy peppers?
(I eat over a dozen per week).

The docs and nutritionists preach supplements for post op gastric bypass folks. I agree that we need them but even the liquid one's or chewables are hard to break down in our compromised systems. I'm convinced that we need to eat nutrient rich foods and not rely solely on supplements.

I'm wondering if I was short on B12.
Maybe now I'll feel less anemic.

Maybe I'm able to digest the beef so easily because my body really wants it.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
WARNING!
Animal cruelty is shown briefly in this video.
Downed cows too weak to stand are dragged to the slaughter house.
It's only on screen for a few moments.
The rest of the clip talks about the difference between cruel-factory-farmed meat and organic grass fed meat.
God forgive us for the horrible things we do to living creatures and to ourselves.
Support local farms.
Eat well.
click here or click below

replace your worries

"If your thinking is limited,
then your life is going to be limited."
- Joel Osteen

"'I am equipped.
I am well able.
I will see
my dreams
come to pass'.
Declare those statements
by faith
and before long,
you will begin to see them
in reality."
- Joel Osteen

"Having to have faith
in our own personal voice
now is the only way
we'll have it in the future.
The new world we want
is the world in which
everyone listens
to their own
hearts."
- Sonia Johnson

Worry keeps us small.
Gratitude expands us.

When I catch myself worrying about something I try to yank my thoughts back to an attitude of thanks for the opportunity to confront the particular challenge.

Takes practice but automatic habits emerge from intentional practice.

I woke up this morning and immediately started to worry.
Paperwork has to be done.
The taxes need to be filed.
My laundry is still piled high.
There are lectures to write and notes to make.
Big projects are being put on hold while I work extra hard this semester.

These thoughts almost kept me in bed.
My first reaction?
I rolled over into the fetal position.
Even though I was uncomfortable (and I had to pee) I stayed curled up for a few moments contemplating going back to sleep.

I fought the urge to doze off.
Work had to be done.
Even though I was dreading my piles of work I forced myself to stay awake.

I went to work immediately in my mind.
I changed my inner dialog of worry to thoughts like
I love my job
I love preparing for my classes, etc.

AND
the all important self confidence...

I trust myself to get everything done.
I've taken care of my life in the past.
I will do it again.
I take care of my life, my obligations and my work.
I believe in my own capabilities.

Do I doubt what I'm saying to myself as I'm saying it??
A bit.
But when you're actually forming the words in your mind or even saying them out loud to yourself (if you have that luxury) your mind has a hard time doing much except processing the words.

When you're thinking good, empowering thoughts, even if you don't believe them 100% yet, your mind gets busy processing the positive messages. It's too busy for naysaying and doubt.

I believed the good messages long enough to sit up on the edge of the bed, take a deep breath and get up with gumption.

If I practice this long enough I might actually get good at it.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Some folks balk at positive affirmations about money.
Yet, they don't seem to have any moral objection to people worrying themselves sick about it.
Let go of everyone's opinions on how 'selfish' it is to visualize money.
Replace your worries with affirmations.
Watch the world change.
click here or click below

who do you think you are!

“Of course I'm crazy,
but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.”
- Robert Anton Wilson

My latest rating on Rate My Professors says two words: Absolute Nutcase.
(Yes, I flagged it as inappropriate).

The timing is perfect.

See, I have this theory.
Every time we try to get out of our karmic comfort zone and evolve ourselves the
universe sends something/someone to test us.

Especially when we stand up after cowering for a long time,
especially when we say 'NO More' to the old ways that kept us small,
especially when we're trying something new and we're unsure of ourselves,
something/someone shows up to punch us in the face.

I'm reminded of what Q said to Picard in one of my favorite episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation...

"If you can't take a little bloody nose,
maybe you oughtta go back home
and crawl under your bed.
It's not safe out here.
It's wondrous,
with treasures to satiate desires
both subtle and gross;
but it's not for the timid."
- Q in Star Trek: the Next Generation

I usually misquote that and say that if you can't stand the bloody nose you better stay off the playground, but the message is the same.

I have to remind myself of that when people poke at me.

This "nutcase" comment is part of a karmic backlash.
Instead of being a people-pleaser this semester, I'm turning into a Lisa-pleaser.

Rather than having a goal of being easy going and likable my focus is on integrity and righteousness. Not everyone is going to like that.

Self development works that way.
Change works that way.

When you stand up and say NO MORE to being treated unfairly you might not get a stadium full of applause. It's great if you have a cheering section.
It's wonderful to have folks in your life who tell you
KEEP IT UP!
or
YOU DESERVE RESPECT!
or
IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU STOPPED TAKING SHIT FROM PEOPLE!

But if that doesn't happen and what you get instead is someone calling you a
"nutcase"
or telling you to "get over it"
or calling you "selfish"
it can take the winds out of your sails.

You might be convinced that the universe is telling you to simmer down and shut up.
You might believe the back-lasher who tells you you're too
opinionated
outspoken
annoying
attention seeking
or whatever (mere) opinion they use as a weapon to strike you down.

What if someone asks,
"Who do you think you are???"

I might answer, "I'm someone who doesn't appreciate your tone right now."
or
"I am the one who's in charge of taking care of ME. Got that?"

I write that as a rehearsal for myself
in case anyone asks.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Forget the person take the message??
First I'll deal with the person
THEN I'll take the message.
Another great video from Christine Breese.
click here or click below

flipper babies

It's been two weeks since I gave up wheat and dairy.
I expected big changes.
If any changes are happening in my body they're subtle.

I made the dietary change hoping to make a dent in my chronic fatigue (not chronic fatigue syndrome, just chronically tired). For years I've been reading about wheat and dairy and their removal from people's diets. The miraculous effects convinced me I could benefit from eliminating them.

I'm not sure it's working.

Do I feel better?
Yes.
Much.

Reasons for that could include:
- going back on a much needed medication
- reintroducing red meat into my diet
- consistently taking my iron supplements since Christmas
- a more rigorous work schedule
- more regular sleep schedule
- improved self esteem
- walking every day

Really, I'm not sure the wheat and dairy thing has anything to do with how I feel.

I'm going to give it time.

Perhaps it takes a while before the effects kick in.
Maybe my body is cleaning itself out.

I dunno.

Now I'm concerned with too much soy in my diet.
I've replaced all my dairy with soy products.
I'm going to look into Rice Milk and Almond Milk for my coffee.
Why?

I still have that itchy psoriasis patch on my left hand. If I had a food allergy to wheat or dairy it should have been gone by now or at least fading.

I'm wondering if too much of ANY processed food is somehow bad for one's constitution.
When it comes to processed foods - like high fructose corn sweetener or processed soy filler - the body can only process so much before it rebels via food allergies.

Speaking of high fructose corn sweetener.
Have you seen the new ad campaigns for corn syrup??
They tell us to get the facts.
That it's natural sweetness from corn.
That in moderation it's just fine.

Doesn't that last part kinda tip you off?
If they have to SAY that you should only eat it in moderation then it's implied that eating too much is bad for you.
Right?

I'm reminded of The Kids in the Hall film "Brain Candy"

We were wondering

what you were working on in your lab.

It's exactly like Stummies.

And the twist is?

It's a much bigger pill.

I like it a lot.
Is it ready for production?

Yes, it's ready to go.

Any side effects?

Yes, sir, a few side effects.

That's okay.
As long as there are no "flipper babies,"
right, Don?

Well, there have been a few flipper babies....
It was only a couple of flipper babies!!!

I'm appalled.
But, as I've said before, it's a capitalist system.
Corporations are concerned with profit.
They prioritize accordingly.

No flipper babies?
Good to go!!
Then they trot it out on the market and make as much money as possible while squeaking within FDA regulations (corrupt anyway).

If the public wises up and refuses to buy the product?

Well here's their fabulous new ad campaign to tell us
that the "facts" about how "safe" their product is will show how
those irrational, panicked, concerned mothers who are connecting
illness with corn syrup are just crazy!
Hysterical!

Un-American!

click here or click below

Looks like you can put a positive spin on anything.
Check out this spoof of the same commercial.
click here or click below

self care with tupperware

"Treat a person as they appear to be,
and make them worse.
But treat a person
as if they already were
what they potentially could be,
and you make them
what they should be."
- Goethe

Little changes mean a lot.
They reflect changes in attitude
AND
they create changes in attitude.

Recently I changed a habit.

In the past I would cook my giant sauce pot of barley, vegetables, tofu, sometimes chicken, and tomato sauce - known as a Pot O' Lisa - eat my dinner portion of it then put the entire pot into the fridge. I'd use that giant sauce pot like a big ol' tupperware container.

Sometimes, the day after cooking it, I would eat more of the cold Pot O' Lisa directly from the pot. I wouldn't even bother scooping a portion out into a dish. Pot plus fork equaled meal.

I mean, it's no big deal. I live alone.
I can drink directly from the carton so to speak.

But lately I've been cooking, eating and serving from the Pot O' Lisa then, after eating, I scoop the leftovers into several small tupperware containers. This allows me to take one of the containers out on the road with me or if I'm home, eat from a small container rather than take the giant pot out of the fridge every time.

For those of you who do this tupperware thing automatically, I applaud your discipline.

For me it was a small step but a giant leap in self care and mindfulness concerning food.

It's nice to eat out of a small, manageable, Lisa-sized container.
It's nice to be able to pack a food bag with little treats.

I think this little change reflects an improvement in my self esteem.
The improvement in self esteem probably came from having more employment this semester and for living up to my own expectations.

I've been MUCH more disciplined about preparing for classes, selecting mixed media for my lectures, keeping my lecture notes in a nice binder divided by course, taking attendance, keeping peace in the classroom.

This semester that I was dreading so much has turned out to be hard work but very rewarding.
It's helping me to value my time and use it more wisely.

I feel more focused.
I have more joy in my work and my life.

And I'm seeing myself as my own ally rather than my worst enemy.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
"There's no such thing as being worthless..."
Don't listen to your inner brat child.
Believe the true things about our selves:
We are worthy.
We can relax.
We have great worth.
We are God's eye view of the world from our perspective.
We deserve our own care.
Enjoy this video by Christine Breese of the University of Metaphysical Human Sciences.
click here or click below

the consistency of blog

"Criticism is never easy
for anyone,
but it is absolutely essential
to acquire some thick armor
against it if one is to be
a motivator
of
people."
- Alan Loy McGinnis

I do not delete past blog posts nor do I alter them.
Even if I give myself the douche chills of embarrassment re-reading what I've written I leave it out there.

If someone calls me on something I've written I'll discuss it.
I'll examine my own motivations.

I may not feel the same way today as I felt when I wrote it.
So what?
I change my mind about stuff.
When you're working on yourself you have to be willing to change.
Blogging about it in excruciating detail means I'll have to be willing to face the uncomfortable growth spurts once they've passed.

As far as marketing my blog I continue to struggle with an identity.
I can't pinpoint a consistent "stance" for myself.

Folks seem to enjoy blogs that are pro-something or at least consistently on-topic.
What is mine about exactly?

Self development is kinda broad.
The Skinny Online does not fit well into one easy category.

Even my Tweets are ambivalent.
Yesterday I Tweeted about the nice rare sirloin steaks I made for myself.
The next Tweet linked to a colleague's Vegan blog!

A friend commented on my status on Facebook quoting Mary Daly "God is a verb".
She said she didn't think I was into that God thing but thought I was more spiritual.
Truth is I'm both.

I support Veganism AND I'm eating more red meat (Did you know that organic grass fed beef is only a couple of bucks more expensive than commercial corn fed beef?)

I love religion
AND
I embrace spirituality
(and spiritual people...and religious people...and the occasional atheist).

I record all my food intake on The Daily Plate
AND
I don't believe in calorie restriction.

I've had 3 weight loss surgeries AND I believe WLS is avoidable
(and I'd like to prove that before I die.)

But for all my inconsistencies I'm honest.
I believe my transparency can be helpful to folks who are suffering, have suffered or want to learn more about eating disorder recovery and personal development.

Oh, wait.
There ya go.

My blog is about eating disorder recovery and personal development.
That's consistent, right?

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
If someone called me on something I'd written I would talk about it.
I would think it through.
I would look into my own motivations in having written it.
I'd come up with an answer.
Not like pussy footer Al Roker who took a giant weather-crap all over free speech when he blogged about Imus then got called on it yesterday on the air.
Why didn't he just answer Jimmy's questions?
This might aggravate you.
The phone call happens at 5:25 into the clip.
click here or click below

Which Step First?

What was my Step One?
A faithful reader commented yesterday about how her life is where mine used to be.
Fast foods by day, binge eating by night.

I remember how depressed I was.
I remember how trapped I felt by my own behavior.

But in telling my story I'm having a hard time naming that crucial first step that got me here.

I'm not sure if it was a change in determining myself worth.

Was it going to get my first chiropractic adjustment?

Acupuncture may have gotten my chi flowing in the healing direction.

Getting the first weight loss surgery back in 1988 may have helped.

It may have been the counseling.

My peer support group helped me a great deal.

It may have been my admitting I had an eating problem at age 17, though telling someone that it will take 27 years to get some relief may not be the message of hope folks are looking for.

If I had to write a 'How To' book I'm not sure where I'd start.

Telling my story is different.
I can start at 5 years old.
Maybe I can leave it up to the reader to decide where THEIR starting point should be.

I know that eating disorder recovery MUST include biological healing components such as a change in the quality of foods one is eating. Psychological treatment alone may not work.

I see the rate of recidivism when I watch that show Obesity Clinic.
I also notice that the portion-controlled food on their hospital trays at Obesity Clinic is dead, canned, processed, full of white flour and corn syrup and not conducive to long term physical change.

Refined white flour, corn syrup, refined white sugar, hormone and antibiotic riddled meats and dairy products are related to many health problems, not least of which is obesity.

I know how much EASIER my recovery has been since eliminating certain foods from my diet.
Even if I still run to food to quell anxiety, my raw yellow bell peppers are worlds away from Reduced Fat Oreos or Baked Lays.

So should food be the starting point?

Thing is I knew about food back in my early 20's when I started to make strong connections between what I was eating and how I felt. Again, is it really going to offer someone hope to tell them it took 20 years for me to make lasting change?

There has to be a starting point in there somewhere.

Not to be corny about it but maybe love is the key.

Back then in my 20s I felt undeserving.
My eating was my fault.
I blamed myself.
My binge eating was a failure of character.
I didn't believe that I deserved to get well.

Even my first surgery felt like a punishment.
That awful gastric band dug into my stomach and made me puke every damn day.
It was my stop-gap to my out of control behavior.
I don't recommend that experience.

Hitting rock bottom (3 weeks in the hospital with a SARS-like flesh eating bacteria due to out of control diabetes) sorta got me going. Though I don't recommend nearly dying to anyone trying to get well.

Eating and Body Image, the peer support group we formed back in 2005, helped me a great deal. I felt less alone in my behaviors. I felt loved, supported and deserving of wellness.
I DO recommend that experience.

Yeah, love.

But how do I convince (inspire?) others to believe that they are
worthy of love and care?

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
"You can recover!"
This is a great video by a student in recovery from an eating disorder.
I guess any one of those slides could be a Step One.
Maybe it's different for all of us.
I did notice that Self Love was in there!
click here or click below

My date

"Innovators and creators
are persons who can to a higher degree
than average accept the condition of
aloneness.
They are more willing
to follow their own vision
even when it takes them
far from the mainland
of the
human
community.
Unexplored spaces
do not frighten them
- or as much as they frighten
those around them."

- Dr. Nathaniel Branden

I took myself out on a date last night.
I would not even be calling it a "date" except that it cost so darn much I pretty much expected myself to put out afterward.

Note to self: Parking on the street in the theater district is poor bet even with my excellent car karma.
Next note to self: If paying for a parking garage costs more than the admission to the show, use public transportation or park far and walk!

I went into NYC to see a show at Caroline's on Broadway last night.
I was alone.

Part of me thought going into the city alone for a show was a big deal.
Another part of me remembered how, in my early 20's, I went into the city alone at least once a week for a workshop, class or seminar. I'd walk 10 blocks if I had to just so I could get parking on the street.

Going into the city was no big deal for me.
Going in alone was de rigeur.

Then something changed in me.
When I was in my 30's I would not even drive into the city let alone venture in by myself.
The driving unnerved me.
The lights dazzled me.
The aggressive cab drivers frightened me.
I was uncomfortable the whole time.

I would only go into the city if someone else drove.

Over the past couple of years I got my NYC nerve back.
City driving was once again no big deal.

Last night, for the first time in 20 years or so, I took myself into Manhattan to see a live comedy show. The driving didn't really bother me, even in Times Square where the tourists J-walk and the cabbies drive like one of the cars in Tron.

I worried a bit about showing up alone at a Comedy Club (Caroline's is very nice inside, almost swanky). I thought I'd look freakish. I thought they'd sit me at a table with folks I didn't know.
I imagined the maitre d running back stage yelling STALKER ALERT there's a WOMAN ALONE!

What really happened?
Nothing.
It was no big deal.

I sat at a cozy corner table on one of their long sofas. I had a fabulous view of the stage, not too close but not too far. No one cared that there was a woman sitting alone. The other patrons were busy talking amongst themselves, worrying about how to meet the two drink minimum, texting on their iphones and thoroughly not noticing me.

It was bliss.
Well it was bliss except for drinking two Bloody Marys that made me suddenly think of how fortunate I am to have loving friends, which made me cry, then text them to tell them that, then sober up quickly (that's how gastric bypass deals with liquor, you get really drunk really fast then sober up in a snap).

I enjoyed the show. Three very funny openers (Amy Schumer, who I told was too pretty to be funny but she managed to be both! and the very funny Al Jackson....I forgot the third guy's name) and the hilarious main act.

My mind was tempted to ruin my good time by reminding me of all the work I should have been doing at home.
You should be preparing for a week's worth of lectures.
You should be cleaning.
You should be filing.
You should be doing your laundry.
You shouldn't be spending money like this.
How dare you go out when you have debt to pay.

Yap yap yap.
I took a deep breath and replaced all that chatter with,
"It's ok.
You need leisure to balance work.
Fill your life with things you enjoy.
Work, play, everything.
Just relax.
Enjoy the moment."

And I did. I enjoyed myself.

When I got home I cooked some steaks (the marinade was too salty but I'm learning) and a pot of veggies with barley for a nice late supper with a loving friend.

We watched some of our favorite shows and I dozed off on the sofa like Al Bundy.

I really am
my own perfect date.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
I approached her after the show last night and asked if being attractive was a problem for her as a comic.
I said when she first came on stage I didn't think she could be funny cuz she was so pretty. She thanked me and gave me a nice hug!
What a doll.
Enjoy the very funny Amy Schumer.
click here or click below

touch yourself

"The treatments themselves
do not
'cure'
the condition,
they simply restore
the body's
self-healing
ability."
-Leon Chaitow, N.D., D.O.

Ages ago I blogged about self-massage.

Sometimes I write about a great idea then the idea sits there untouched for months.
Writing it down fools me into thinking that I'm doing something about it.

But writing stuff down isn't totally fruitless.
Putting it out there in the world does help.
The words - congealed energy - boomerang back at me eventually.

Last night I was putting myself to bed.
I rubbed some lotion on my dry elbows.
I caught myself thinking negative thoughts.
Words like
old,
fat,
saggy,
gross,
ewww,
yuck,
unlovable,
lazy, etc.
started high kicking across my brain like evil Rockettes.

I didn't want to go to bed on that note.
That bully in my mind would not win.
Those harsh words would not be the last thoughts in my day.

The jar of pricey moisturizer was open (a gift from a dear friend).
I scooped up some big blobs of the thick cream with the tips of my fingers and rubbed them onto my upper back.
I pulled at my sore muscles.

In my head I said the words,
"Tension, I give you permission to leave.
You may go now.
Feel better.
Feel good.
Let go.
It's going to be OK."

I rubbed my shoulders, my neck, up into the back of my scalp then a pulled forward underneath my jaw and out from under my chin. I imagined the tension leaving my body and warm light replacing it.

Then I pulled all the tension from my elbows out to my wrists and finger tips.

My arms and finger were sore from giving and receiving the massage.

I pressed on further, rubbing my knees and thanking my legs for being sturdy.

I massaged myself so deeply it tuckered me out.
But I felt good, clean, renewed and ready for bed.

The calm that comes with accomplishment lulled me to sleep.

That self massage was long overdue.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Again, I did not invent this idea.
Self massage is a valid way to release tension and pain.
Experts are talking about it!
I did this along with Angela just now.
Take care of yourself.
Click here or click below

Gratitude for Food, dude

"What an unutterable privilege
for people to sit down to breakfast
every morning.
Almost everybody in this country
wakes up every morning
and just assumes
they're going to eat.
There it is
- the food -
waiting for them."
- Sonia Johnson

The mindset instilled in us by the media is that we (we, the consuming public) are over eaters who have to be controlled.
It's in the interest of the diet industry to talk about cutting down, cutting back, curtailing, restricting, shrinking, cheating, counting and all the stuff I don't like about dieting, so they can sell us a product to help us.

Do I blame them?
No.
They are in the business of making money.
I am a proud capitalist.

I am also a resolute existentialist.
It's up to the consuming public to discern what to ingest,
what to listen to,
what to believe
and what to do!

I'm concerned about the constant, deeply hypnotic messages we get from commercial sources.
We need to take in messages from non-commercial sources as well.
We need to be in charge of our own balance.

Take gratitude for instance.
What if we had CONSTANT (and advertising is constant as long as our five senses are working)
input regarding gratitude?
I wonder what it would be like to be told over and over again that we have plenty go be grateful for,
that food should be prayed over,
that meals are a time of appreciation for the abundance we enjoy,
that nourishing ourselves is a sacred act worthy of reverence
and SLOWING DOWN to appreciate our food.

For years I ate my meals in my car then came home and binged in front of the television till I passed out.

Food was a drug, a way to punish myself and go numb.
I had so much self-hate tied up with my eating.
Food had little or no flavor, only guilt.

I wonder how many of those guilty feelings were reinforced by the media.

Am I blaming the media for eating disorders?
No.
That would be way too simplistic.

I am naming the media as a strong source of a certain kind of message,
the message is in the best interests of industry.
Industry's specific goal is to make a profit.

If we only receive messages about food from profit-seeking industry then we are conditioned to think of ourselves as _____ fill in the blank of whatever turns us into needy consumers of whatever product that will "fix" us.

Where will we get an alternate message?
Where are the reminders to be grateful?
To bless our food?
To say THANK YOU to whomever or whatever ...or to just be appreciative for the colorful living feast, even if we eat it in our car.

I got rid of my microwave months ago to make room for my juicer.
I have yet to use it,
BUT...
I have been more mindful of what I'm eating.

If I want something warmed, I use the stove.
If cooking is too much to ask of myself at the time I'm hungry, I eat something raw.
Fruit, vegetables, even raw nuts.

Fresh fruits and vegetables have got to be THE most convenient foods ever.
Toss one in your purse.
There.
A portable, wrapped, healthy snack.

And they're alive.
Not processed.
Not turned into something sad, lacking in nutrition, unmindful and full of chemicals and fried fat.

Food is energy.
Gratitude is energy.

Maybe we can create a new mindset about food.

I am grateful that I am about to eat a nice breakfast.

Amen.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Bio-dynamic limes??
Wow!
Look what I found!
See, none of my ideas are original...lol.
Someone already named their business CAFE GRATITUDE!
Yep.
What kind of food do you think a place named CAFE GRATITUDE might serve?
Take a look.
click here or click below

To Follow Me on The Daily Plate

You may need to sign up in order to see my
Daily Plate food log.

If you do, just click here
and my Food Diary is there in
the middle of the page!

thoughts can change

"Saying
'I approve of myself'
is guaranteed to bring up everything
in your consciousness
that is in opposition.
When a negative thought like,
'How can you approve of yourself
- you spent all of your money'
or
'You just ate two pieces of cake'
or
'You'll never amount to anything,'
or
whatever your negative babble may be,
this is the time to take mental control.
Give it no importance.
Just see the thought for what it is,
another way to keep you stuck in the past.
Gently say to this thought,
'Thank you for sharing. I let you go,
I approve of myself.'
These thoughts of resistance
will have no power over you
unless you choose to believe them."
- Louise Hay in
Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook

Reading that passage from Louise Hay made me realize that my brain is just doing what human brains do.
That negative "babble" is not a fact about me.

Just because the negative voice is more familiar,
more authoritative,
and gives reasons why I should be down on myself,
does not make it right!

Just because the negative voice echoes what I've heard from other people,
either people have said things directly to me
or
I've heard the same sentiments from voices in the media
does not mean I have to believe it.

I fight every day.
I try so hard to do the right thing, to keep my commitments,
to get my work done, to take care of myself and those who count on me.

I lie down in bed at night and say to myself, "Way to go!"
and if feels so phony.
The negative voice reminds me of all I have not done.
It scolds me.
It tells me I did not do enough.
It blames me for getting myself into my present situation in the first place.
It tells me I would not have to do all this recovering if I had done the work earlier,
had more will power,
pushed myself harder,
made better choices,
been stronger,
smarter,
thinner,
nicer,
better.

I've become accustomed to looking at what's wrong instead of what's right.
Those perfectionistic tendencies keep me from saying loving things to myself.

Louise Hay says "Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the keys to positive change"
and I want to believe her. I need the approval and acceptance that I did not get early on in life.
I want to approve of and accept myself.

Then the evil voice overpowers me, "You know you could have done better! Stop lying to yourself. You don't deserve to feel good. Look at the mess you're in!"

I remind myself that self-blaming is different than taking responsibility.

I'm still unconvinced.

I think of times I've rested or played or watched TV when I could have been working.
I think of times I chose an easier path when I could have been tougher.
I blame myself for the time I wasted binge eating and passing out for years.

Talking nicely to myself seems self-indulgent.
Undeserved.

I read the occasional nasty comment on my YouTube videos such as
"Stop whining you fat bitch you did this to yourself."
And that resonates with me.
It seems true.
The harsh judgment disrupts the fragile foundation I'm trying to build.
My little brick by brick of self love.

I know, I KNOW that reality is built by what we believe to be true.
I know that what we think about most is what comes into being.
I know what we feel and think today is a dress rehearsal for what we'll be thinking and feeling tomorrow.

If Louise Hay is right, and she most likely is, it's at the very moment that negative voice chimes in that I have to tell it NO.
Thank you for sharing.
You may go now.

I may have to do that a few thousand times before it sticks.

I hope I live that long.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Louise Hay is NOT talking about vanity or arrogance.
She' talking about respect, love and joy over the miracle of our own lives.
That's a tough one for me.
But I learned all this negative self-talk.
I can unlearn it too, can't I?
She says, "You're in charge now!"
It doesn't matter what other people say or what they've said in the past.
I'm in charge now.
click here or click below

Feminist or Humanist?

"...three major feminist principles:
that violence cannot solve problems,
that cooperation is more supportive
and life enhancing than competition,
and that life, including the quality of life
of all living things,
is the foremost consideration
in making decisions..."
- Sonia Johnson

I'm looking at Sonia Johnson's quote (above) and wondering if I'm a very good feminist.
For one, I think the above principles can fit under the headings of "humanist", "deep ecologist" or "ethical pacifist" just as easily.

I'm also not for cooperation and against competition.
I believe that competition breeds excellence.
I also believe there is such a thing as compassionate capitalism because I believe there are people who are compassionate and capitalist both at the same time (thanks Elivra Kurt!).

I'm also uncertain about violence and problem solving.
Should we have reasoned with the Nazis?
Or was war a necessary evil to eradicate ...well...evil.

You can't reason with cancer.
Sometimes you just have to cut it out.

The idea that quality of life for all living things is a foremost consideration appeals to me,
except that I have to eat.
Life feeds on life.
I think we need to be more mindful of how we raise and slaughter animals. We need to be more compassionate to all living things. We should understand the cooperative nature of all living things within the biosphere and be careful about the consequences of our actions.
But certain life forms need to die if they're too disruptive like the snakehead fish.

Or salmonella bacteria (especially when they're ruining peanut butter!)

If competition and a very restrained use of violence can be compassionately motivated then I'm with Sonia and her definition of feminist values.

I'm just not sure about using ONLY those three values to define feminism.
There has to be something about women in that definition in order for it to be called 'feminism'.
Say something about the historical oppression of women and the need to include women in the public sphere as full participants, then I can say, yes, that definition is feminist.

Why is this on my mind?
Because I'm teaching my first Women's Studies class this semester.
I have to have a grip on this stuff or else I don't feel confident to teach.
I need to know where I stand on these issues.

Teaching this subject matter has called my feminist values into question.
Are they really feminist values or am I a humanist?

I'll enjoy figuring it out.

In the meantime I'm hoping to nourish my body back to health.
I'm still draggy and tired.
Giving up wheat and dairy has not produced any significant changes in me.

I'm toughing it out in heart, soul, body and mind.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
"...a feminist IS a humanist..."
Whew.
That's a relief!
click here or click below

right in the bread basket

"...as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically
liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson

The only thing I'd like to change about that Marianne Williamson quote (see above) is the word 'unconsciously'.
I would remove it.

We give other people permission to shine their lights when we polish up and shine ours.

I keep making the mistake of thinking I have to come up with it all on my own or else I'm a failure. I keep thinking that if I can't muster it (whatever "it" is) up from inside myself then it isn't genuine and I'm just plain weak.

I forget how empowering other people can be.
I forget about the times folks have contributed to my life in a positive way.

When you've been bullied all y0ur life it's tough to let yourself believe that other people have benign intentions. Having been put on the defense all my life has made me so cynical. I judge other people to be adversarial by default. After a while...a long while...I may decide that they have genuine love and respect for me.

Even when I've reluctantly trusted I've been screwed.
I've been on the receiving end of some stinging betrayals in my life.
And I wonder why I'm such a loner.

I've gotten into the habit of not bothering.
Sometimes I won't even LOOK for affirmation outside myself.
I believe it would be more fruitful to put my recently pulled wisdom tooth under my pillow and hope for a dollar.

So it came as a surprise to me that I would find some affirming photographs of women out there on the interwebs. Not porn. Not BBW stuff.
Real live fat women with hanging bread baskets and boobs just like mine.

"I became active in the
Fat Acceptance/Size movement
working with Debbie Notkin.
The Women En Large
project came out of that
- the book,
gallery exhibitions around the world,
and
many speaking engagements
that gave us the opportunity
to see how our work
transformed lives"

- Laurie Toby Edison, photographer
(click here to purchase)

I was warmly reassured that I am not freakish.
I felt acceptable, normal.
OK.

Too many images of the porn perfect body have made me feel disgusted with myself.
As much as I loved The Girls Next Door they never made me feel good about myself.
They entertained me.
They inspired me a bit.
They showed me their humanity.
They were human just like me but they didn't look like me.

Don't think that's important?
Replay the crowd interviews from Inauguration Day.

"Finally! A president who looks like me!" folks exclaimed.
"He's paved the way for dark skinned people to hold positions of incredible power!"

If folks can get behind Obama based on his skin color I can get behind the Women en Large exhibit to positively empower my big fat ass. I can look at Edison's photographs and see that I am not alone. I'm no freak. I don't have to hide out.

I've got a bread basket hanging down to my thighs and so does she! And her! And her too!

Those photographs gave me "permission" to wear what I feel comfortable in. I don't always have to pick the sweater that flows down to my knees to hide my world of hurt.
It's not that bad.
Looking at the hanging abs and flobby boobs on these women brought out compassion in me, compassion I am rarely able to give to myself.

They beamed.
I shined.

I must undertake to love myself
and to respect myself
as though my very life depends upon self-love
and self-respect.

And sometimes it's ok
to get some help
from the outside.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
This clip is from the documentary about American photographer Laurie Toby Edison by Kyoto Japan based filmmaker John Wells. Edison speaks with Rebecca Jennison about her work in conjunction with the exhibition "Meditations on the Body" at the Osaka National Museum of Art.

click here or click below

short blog slow food

"So who’s destroying the rainforests?
Who’s using up the most energy to produce their foods?
Is it the small farmers raising grass-fed cows
and those of us who support them
by purchasing grass-fed meat and dairy products
directly from the farmer?
Or is it multinational corporations like
Monsanto
and
Burger King
and
Lightlife Foods (makers of Smart Bacon),
and all the veggie-burger-eating vegetarians?
Wake up, folks.
Just because you are avoiding meat
does not mean you are avoiding factory farms.
If you really want to avoid factory farms,
support your local farmer."

- from "Are Vegetarians Bad for the Environment?"

at CheeseSlave.com


"Humanely raised,
pastured animals
not only make for good eats,
they are good for you
and the planet."
- Slow Food NYC

Wow.
A day so busy I don't have time for a full blown blog post?
Part of me is happy that I'm so busy.
Another part of me regrets that one of the best parts of my day will be cut short due to work demands (and a last minute invitation to the opera tonight....Lucia di Lammermoor at the Met!)

Here's a quick update.
I do not feel much different since giving up wheat and dairy about a week ago.
I was expecting this foggy veil to suddenly be lifted from me.
(read this testimonial on going gluten free found on CheeseSlave.com)

The miraculous de-fogging
hasn't happened for me yet.
And I stress YET.

I'm counting on my body to clean itself out.

I'm counting on a change in diet to lead me directly to a major change in how I feel.

I've been walking more.
As a necessity I walk on the campuses where I teach.
Sure I'm a little sore in the ankles and knees.

I'm counting on an increase in movement leading to a decrease in pain.

I refuse to lie down and die at the age of 44.
I'm counting on AT LEAST another 44 years on this planet.
Truly I'd like to live till I'm 103.

I want to love life so much that my will keeps me alive.

Let's hope the world doesn't end in 2012.

Namaste.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Melting Mama (post op gastric bypass super blogger)
loves her meat and rightly so.
It's filling, great protein and good for you....if it's organic and grass fed.
She's great. She video blogs often!
Follow her.
click here or click below

Your Rainbow is...

My rainbow is strongly shaded violet. What's yours like??

Your rainbow is strongly shaded violet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is says about you: You are a creative person. You appreciate beauty and craftsmanship. You are patient and will keep trying to understand something until you've mastered it.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Stand and Weed

"You've got to quit playing
that old tune
and put on a new one.
You need to be dwelling
on thoughts like:
I am creative.
I am talented.
I am valuable.
I have a bright future.
My best days are still
out in front of me.
You have to get your mind
going in this new direction.
Because dwelling on negative thoughts
about yourself will keep you
from becoming all God
has created
you to be."
- Joel Osteen in Become a Better You

"Good morning, Sonia.
How did you get so beautiful?
Did you practice all night?
Just look at your lovely eyes,
brimming with wisdom and humor,
with all those gorgeous wrinkles around them.
You look vital and healthy and alive
- prefect! I'm so glad to see you!
So brilliant and funny,
playful,
passionate,
and dedicated.
I'm proud at how well
you've supported yourself
and your kids for so many years
in the insecure career of
free-lance feminist.
You're something of a marvel,
dear friend,
and I love you very much.
Never forget that you can always
count on me,
no matter what.
Now go
and have a wonderful day.
No one ever
deserved
more!"
- Sonia Johnson in
Going Out of Our Minds: The Metaphysics of Liberation

"A mind troubled
by doubt
cannot focus
on the course
to
victory."
- Arthur Golden

We are what we believe.
We can only grow into the space that our minds have constructed for us.
Be careful what you let yourself believe.

We hear all kinds of feedback, responses, opinions of ourselves, opinions of folks with whom we identify, jokes, jibes and nonsense.

They're like the seeds in this parable from Mark 4:14 - 20

14 The sower soweth the word.
15 And these are they by the way side, where the word is sown; but when they have heard, Satan cometh immediately, and taketh away the word that was sown in their hearts.
16 And these are they likewise which are sown on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness;
17 And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake, immediately they are offended.
18 And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word,
19 And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.
20 And these are they which are sown on good ground; such as hear the word, and receive it, and bring forth fruit, some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some an hundred

We have to be the soil that let's the GOOD seeds land, take root and grow.
Not the poison seeds.
Not the choking weeds.

We can't let the birds come and eat the good seeds before they can take root.

GOOD seeds grow in GOOD soil,but that garden needs tending.

Too many of us have let ourselves become soil for the bad seeds.
Seeds of doubt, seeds of fear, seeds of disapproval.
Brush them off.
The birds can eat those seeds.

Be choosy about your garden.
Make it a victory garden (sustenance in times of war!)

Just because a seed has landed does not mean it's entitled to grow.
If we let every seed take root then our victory garden would be chaotic and dominated by only the more aggressive plants. Those aggressive plants may not be the ones that bear fruit. They may be strong but they take up all the nutrients in the soil, block out the sun, suck up all the rain and leave the delicate food plants to die of malnourishment.

Negative opinions about ourselves are like those aggressive plants.
They've been made strong by years of confirmation from the outside world that we are not good enough.
We failed to pluck those negative plants from our minds.

They ran wild and choked our food giving plants.

The food-giving plants need to be watered, nourished, exposed to the sunshine!

I know the plants of negativity are deep rooted.
We can't just snip them and expect them to die.
We have to dig and gouge them out aggressively.
We need to expose our little veggie plants to the sun.

I woke up this morning with Monday dread.
That pissed me off.
I don't want to dread Mondays.
I don't want to hate my work week.

I want my work time to be just as much fun as my leisure time.
I want to look forward to my work.

When I first woke up I noticed my automatic head speak
"Oh, no. It's Monday. God only knows how long it will be till I can relax again"
and I deliberately changed it to
"I love my life.
I have a great life.
I love what I do.
I can't wait to start my day and enjoy myself.
I handle all my tasks with enthusiasm and ease.
Life is good."

Did I feel better?
Of course I did!

But I had to work at it.
I had to gouge and pluck the aggressive weedy thoughts so my tender little joyful thoughts could suck up some light.

If the positive things you're telling yourself strike you as a lie, that's ok.
At first the positive thoughts may feel unnatural, a little false.

It may take a while before the new veggie-thoughts take root more deeply than the old thoughts.
But keep tending your garden.

Help the good things to grow.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
"...stop criticizing women who stand..."
Someone pissed her off, big time.
I'm not sure exactly what went down but I think it started with
some jack hole calling in to Susan Powter's radio show and then posting on her site in the forums section.
Whatever happened (and I'm dying to know what the jack hole said to piss her off)
she has picked up her pruning shears (more like a scythe) and eliminated the choking weed.
Then she filmed this rant.
I watched it once and I was scared.
I watched it again and I'm feeling empowered to stand.
Stand and tend my garden.
click here or click below

dusting off Sonia

"Turning a deaf ear
to all the nonsense
around us
about how change is made,
not being afraid
to look foolish
or to make mistakes,
and trusting our own spirits
for the answers,
the voices of
our own wise women
inside

- THIS IS THE REVOLUTION."
- Sonia Johnson

"We can only change ourselves,
we can only change our own feelings
that keep us slaves,
we can only change our own minds
about what is important
and possible.
And since what is possible
is whatever we can feel
as fully as if it already exists,
what we have most to fear
is failure of the heart."
- Sonia Johnson

This may be my favorite non-fiction book of all time.

My autographed copy of Sonia Johnson's "Going Out of Our Minds: The Metaphysics of Liberation" has been on my shelf for about 10 years. I protected it by placing it on the high shelf and forgetting all about it. I think I was protecting my inner Sonia, a part of myself not yet ready to be a force out in the world. So I put her on the bookshelf and forgot about her.

Well, my conscious mind forgot about her. Subconsciously her lessons have become part of me. As I flip through the book rereading the sentences I highlighted (in womanish pink) I am surprised by how many of these radical ideas are simply a part of who I am.

She talks about how to attract what you want from life by visioning, imagining what you want with feeling. Yep.
The good ol' (very old) Law of Attraction.
Oprah's The Secret.
Richard Bach's blue feather.
Hypnosis' goal image focusing technique.
What the Bleep Do We Know's quantum physics.
Magick's will.
The secret that's never been a secret: thoughts become things.

Before the first skeptic could poison my mind with "You can't just think about stuff and make it happen," I was reading and believing.

Sonia differs from The Secret in that she says we should think/feel/envision what we want 5 times a day (5 is a magic number, just ask Robert Anton Wilson).

The Secret admonishes us for thinking/feeling/envisioning more than once on the grounds that it shows a lack of faith. I've always disagreed. Ask the universe over and over and over again FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT. Sure the universe took your order the first time around but did your mind get it?

I know from experience that you can't put a top-coat of positive thinking on rotted, peeling beliefs. It won't stick. That wall of belief has to be sanded, scraped and primed. We need to repeatedly envision what we want to convince our brains of the possibility, create the neural net that says "Of course this can happen!"

As I lay in bed last night full of satisfaction and good food I tried to imagine the life I want. My mind kept drifting. I fell asleep struggling to focus on a healthy, vibrant, successful future.

My intention is there.
I need to get my thoughts to fall in line.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Today is Super Bowl Sunday. Once the festivities start I'll have the TV on in the background so I feel connected to the (not very) excited folks who are partying and shouting at their team.
I'll enjoy the commercials.
My new favorite commercial is the Cheeto's commercial with the bragging mom.
I love her.
She's a tall, gorgeous creature. Snooty. Proud. I love her big red lipstick lips. I love her high white collar. I love that she's wearing heels on the ball field.

She's bold, magnificent and regal.

She is my inner bitch.

I channel her when I need some confidence.

It does not escape me that Cheetos has made her into the villain of the commercial. It does not escape me that her name is Rachel after the blessed Jewish matriarch. It does not escape me that they are setting up two women to be enemies. It does not escape me that Vanessa, the other mom, is eating one of the most odious junk foods on the planet. I mean what food found in nature is neon orange??

I love big beautiful bitchy Rachel.

click here or click below