Sunday, January 31, 2010

Good Intentions of Pushy People

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"The healthy 
strong individual 
is the one who asks
for help when he needs it. 
Whether he's got 
an abscess 
on his knee 
in his soul."
~Rona Barrett


"We have no right 
to ask when sorrow comes, 
'Why did this happen to me?' 
unless we ask the same question 
for every moment 
of happiness 
that comes our way."
~Author Unknown

"If you have not been sleeping well 
for years,
you may find yourself 
getting more tired as you
catch up on your missed sleep.
This is normal and, if it happens,
You need to realize
that this is the 
and give yourself permission
to be tired and sleep more as needed.
The fatigue will go away
once you have caught up 
with sleep."
- Diana Schwarzbein in The Schwarzbein Principle

My injured knee may have saved my life.
I like looking on the bright side of things,
but this is more than just positive thinking.
There is wisdom in an injury that kept me from pushing myself
past exhaustion.
My knee and my refusal to see a surgeon until recently protected me from
the good intentions of pushy people
who might have made me
work or play
too hard
when what I really needed to do was rest.

I push myself hard enough.
The last thing I need are pushy, well meaning folks
who don't understand what I need
giving me advice that doesn't fit
while I shrug and make excuses.
The well meaning pushers are sure about what THEY think I need.
They mean well,
but pushing myself beyond my physical limits
was not what I needed to be doing for the past few years.
But because I'm overweight
I felt criminal.
People pleasing was my fall back position.

As soon as folks saw me slowing down physically,
quitting the gym
and putting on weight
awww, shucks you were doing so well there
comments started flying.

But with the knee to protect me
I was able to deflect them,
buy myself some time to heal,
have a good reason (visible reason) to rest,
to figure out what I needed to do to get better.

As I get the answers I need about how to restore
my hormonal balance,
my adrenals
blood sugar
and metabolism
I am able to open myself up to the possibility
of stepping back into life
with a healed up knee
and a healing body.

It is an NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) principle
that we always have positive intentions for ourselves.

The intentions are positive based on our core values.
My values revolve around figuring stuff out for myself.
One of my first whole sentences as a toddler
as recorded in my baby-book
"I want to do it the way I want to do it."
45 years later, not much has changed.
I still want to figure stuff out
and do things the way I want to do things,
so much so
that I'll hobble around on a busted knee
for a year
to keep people from pushing and poking at me
while I figure out exactly what I need to do for myself.

I remember being so tired after my gym workouts
I would come home and sleep.
Well meaning folks told me to keep at it
that I'd get energy once I built up my muscles.
It never happened.
The energy never came.

I was so fatigued from multiple surgeries,
years of stress
poor eating habits,
high blood sugar,
sleep apnea,
and a list of habits that could have killed me,
no amount of stationary biking was going to
perk me up.
Stupidly, I turned to energy drinks, caffeine and stimulants
which further burned me out.

Not that I'm blaming the well-meaning pushers.
They had good intentions.

I was responsible for myself every step of the way.
Unable to speak up and make boundaries for myself
I let their opinions trump my instincts.
In my attempt to protect myself I let myself get and stay injured.
With the injury I had a concrete, visible, undeniable reason
to rest. My instincts were right.
I did need the rest.

In this life of growing and learning
I may get a backbone and some self-esteem yet!
If I knew how to defend myself better
I would not have willed this injury into being to do it for me.

I'll learn.
I'll learn that uncertainty is human,
that being silent when someone throws shit at me is ok
that I don't have to have a comeback
or excuse
or answer.
That simply saying, "I'm working on it."
is enough or maybe even no answer at all.

I'll learn not to feel guilty about the state of my health
as if I owe it to anyone to look or be a certain way.

Maybe I'll learn to say,
"When you discuss this subject with me
I feel uncomfortable. I prefer to change the subject now."

And hold steady,
protect myself.

No injury required.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Rehearsing assertive communication is the best way to improve skills.
I need some skillzzzz!!
We need to choose words carefully in assertive communication. 
Here's a great video 
from Tracy Goodwin on how to do that.
click here or click below

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