Life lover

nataliedee.com


"The greatest error of all
is in thinking that
the only way for you
to feel good in certain situations
is for someone else
to behave
in a certain way."
-Richard Bandler

What good is getting into shape for a life that you hate??

See, I'm not going to become a counselor/motivational guru/author/wtf
unless I have certain things figured out
FOR MYSELF.

When I've figured them out for myself, then I'll offer them to the public
FOR MONEY.

Until then, I'm working things through.
I'm not saying I have to have it ALL figured out first.
I'm just looking to have a satisfactory foundation upon which to build my ...
empire (?)

Take for instance the list of WHYs we might have in order to get us to ...
I dunno..
let's say..
exercise.

I haven't exercised lately.
Yeah, I renewed my membership at my enormous gym/rec center (that I love even though I haven't been there in weeks).

But I'm having a hard time getting myself to go.

I know what I love to do.
What I love to do (writing and thinking)
does not require me to be in shape.

I've lost enough weight for me to be able to get around more easily.
Our jaunt to NYC the other night was nearly effortless.
Walking, standing on line waiting to get in, more walking,
was pretty darned painless.

2 years ago?
Even 1 year ago?
I would have been in pain, exhausted, wishing I were lighter.

Physically, I've come a loooooong way.

Binge eating?
I'm still an overeater.
Yesterday Marni and I went to a nice buffet for lunch.
I ate past full.
Granted, I ate steamed vegetables, raw mushrooms,
tofu, turkey,
broth, half a low fat waffle with sugar free syrup
and a banana.
Not a terribly destructive binge.

Yeah, I got that too-full incapacitated feeling, but with nearly no guilt
cuz I ate such high quality, nourishing food.

I'm most definitely in a "now what?" kinda place.

Much of my motivation to get thin, strong and healthier was to
LOOK GOOD.
Why look good?
To attract lovers.

Meh.
Screw them.

If they don't like me the way I am then they don't need to bother with me.
I don't need their approval all that badly
and certainly not enough to get my ass into sweats and lift weights.

I've been feeling kinda wide-eyed and perky lately.
I dunno, hypo mania from the change of seasons?
Whatever the reason, my wide-eyed-ness is allowing me to look at my life with clarity.

I'm not terribly excited about my life.

I need to be doing meaningful work FOR MONEY.
Struggling to keep a roof over my head on my part time salary is depressing me.

The waiting game is almost over for the job I'm hoping for.
Just a liiiiiiiiittle bit longer.
Just hang in there, I tell myself.

But this in-the-meantime phase is getting to me.

I'm resisting taking TOO much care of myself.
I don't want to be TOO wide eyed
cuz it hurts to look at how things are for me right now.

Imagine how it must be for other folks.
I look at people who are compulsive eaters,
folks who are considering weight loss surgery,
people battling addictions or depression.

I wonder if they're self-destructing because if they weren't self destructing, they'd have to live their lives...their lives that suck.

Creating a meaningful, fulfilling life is difficult.
THAT'S the hard part.
Not eating right,
not taking walks,
not going to the gym.

Taking care of one's self is easy if one has a
great project
or set of projects
or a fulfilling purpose...a reason to live...a life.

When we have a life to be fit for,
a life we love,
a life that lights us up in the morning,
we naturally gravitate toward self-nurturing habits.

Next thing to figure out: can self-nurturing habits help one
create a life that's fulfilling?

Stay tuned.

*Lisa's Video Pick of the Day*
Movement expert, Rochelle Rice, unravels our resistance to change
by looking at how we feel about changing our hairstyle.
Hey, anxiety over seemingly small things can lead us to discovering
the roots of our anxiety over bigger stuff.
Great video!
Thanks, Rochelle.
click here or click below